09-11-2012, 02:24 AM
Some grammatical shit: I don't think you need the comma in L1 of verse two, and in the penultimate line "fit" should be "fight".
This poem reminds me of when I was just starting university and for a long time thought I had something lodged in my throat. Turned out it was just a psychosamatic reaction to stress. Your poem elegantly conveys fear and the dark inner mysteries which sometimes have physical manifestations. My favourite lines were the last two of verse two. They were surreal and weirdly effective. The last two lines of the poem, meanwhile, are the perfect close. I like poetry which refers to man's origins, spirituality and evolution. Thanks for the read
This poem reminds me of when I was just starting university and for a long time thought I had something lodged in my throat. Turned out it was just a psychosamatic reaction to stress. Your poem elegantly conveys fear and the dark inner mysteries which sometimes have physical manifestations. My favourite lines were the last two of verse two. They were surreal and weirdly effective. The last two lines of the poem, meanwhile, are the perfect close. I like poetry which refers to man's origins, spirituality and evolution. Thanks for the read
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe