09-03-2012, 07:56 AM
you could remove the last line that's already there and leave it at that., ending the poem on smiles.
for me the poem needs a good cutting, while narrative poetry is as good as any other, it needs a good voice.
the narrative needs to hold us up or push us away, it needs to show us something. at present it's all being told; which again is okay in a narrative poem, but it feels too dispassionate and forced.
for me the poem needs a good cutting, while narrative poetry is as good as any other, it needs a good voice.
the narrative needs to hold us up or push us away, it needs to show us something. at present it's all being told; which again is okay in a narrative poem, but it feels too dispassionate and forced.