Do You Ever Think Of Me?

[Leanne]

Hi Laurie -- in Miscellaneous we tend not to go for in-depth critiques, more general comments, but there are no hard and fast rules here (I guess that's why it's called Miscellaneous ) so I'm going to give you a few overall impressions. Don't worry about where your skill level is so much as how much feedback you want for a particular piece -- eg. "Serious Critique" doesn't mean "good poems only"

Do You Ever Think Of Me?

On spring mornings when the dew is soft upon the newborn grass, -- pretty opening
when possible feels as if it really may be -- to play a bit more with grammar and cut a bit of wordiness, what about "when possible feels like really may be"
and dancing irises nod their pretty heads flirtatiously.

On summer days when sunlight promises a loving touch,
when a burst of brilliance erupts up and over into this dimension
and a lifeless shadow shrugs indifference.

On autumn evenings when windswept leaves snap sharply,
when the untamed cyclone beats a rhythm of ambiguous words
and spirals high against the inadequate name of blue.

On winter nights when an icy bed of loneliness collects the silent tears,
when vicious blades of sorrow slice deep into the trench of despair
and the memory of a kiss sings a regretful lullaby.

I would be tempted to put "Do you ever think of me?" as a closing line on its own, to give the poem more context, but I really like your descriptive settings. They may be a few too many adjectives -- it doesn't hurt to let the reader fill a few images in for him/herself -- but these are quite evocative and lovely.

Thanks for posting!