08-15-2012, 03:56 PM
i think it;s too impersonal, and needs some images. the poem has ample opportunity.
can she see through the water, can she look up top the surface, what's happening to her.
as the reader i want to experience or at least know what she's experiencing.
i quite like the ending. but the body of the poem needs to be really brought out into the readers world.
can she see through the water, can she look up top the surface, what's happening to her.
as the reader i want to experience or at least know what she's experiencing.
i quite like the ending. but the body of the poem needs to be really brought out into the readers world.