08-13-2012, 05:33 PM
Nope, don't do it -- L5 is fine as it is 
L3 has a lot of fillers -- you could try "to unload with the (something) crane" -- the (something) is obviously a two-syllable adjective but I can't think of anything just now.
I like the refrains a lot.
Not super keen on L6 -- maybe something about "for porridge, plate or dinner roll"?
Triolets are nowhere near as easy as they look, the little buggers
L3 has a lot of fillers -- you could try "to unload with the (something) crane" -- the (something) is obviously a two-syllable adjective but I can't think of anything just now.
I like the refrains a lot.
Not super keen on L6 -- maybe something about "for porridge, plate or dinner roll"?
Triolets are nowhere near as easy as they look, the little buggers
It could be worse