while we mind the hours

[Todd]

Hi Tracey,

I like this (mostly your setup in S1). A couple comments:

under-scene fish sync--Love under-scene I see it a a cross between undersea and something that is out of our site "under what's really going on" (at least from our limited perspective)
fours, fives, pi.--I think of this as moving schools of fish fisrt in small clusters and then uncountable
water-shawled depth-speak
unseen mind.--This last three phrases are gorgeous

land-side offerings
palm-sized, scaled.
bracted potential
flight, wisp-air.--I like this last line for it's sense of movement. I'm not as high on the others as their just less evocative to what you've touched on so far

is-ness unfurling--Makes me think of both the octupi spreading it's tentacles, or a jellyfish. It also keeps making me shift from one thing to the mass of life
clocks unheard--Like the tie in back to the title. While we make our arbitrary distinctions above the surface all of this is happening
silent exchanges
oyster, pearl.

symmetry, motion,
mystery.--these two lines strike me as a little telling I'd rather see it in the type of motion you've already touched on
herring, cousin of
evergreen.--The ending is interesting. I'm not sure of the connection when I think herring I think of red herring which is an argument to distract us from the point (probably not the point here but you take your connections where you can find them).

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I wrote this recently to accompany a friend's photo, which we have submitted for consideration at an exhibit. Before I post it with the photo, I'd like to see how the poem holds up on its own. Fire away!

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I wrote this recently to accompany a friend's photo, which we have submitted for consideration at an exhibit. Before I post it with the photo, I'd like to see how the poem holds up on its own. Fire away!

Nice read.

Best,

Todd