07-29-2012, 07:08 PM
Hello Tracey. I like this, especially 1st and 3rd verse. The 2nd verse is weak, to my mind. You've nice off rhymes throughout - pi/mind, unheard/pearl, mystery/evergreen. In the 2nd verse you've scaled/wisp-air!
This would fix it
land-side offerings
scaled, palm-size.
bracted potential
wisp-air, flight.
This would fix it
land-side offerings
scaled, palm-size.
bracted potential
wisp-air, flight.
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.