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Magenta sighs
Ooze from hazy eyes
As orphan lilac songs echo
Inside crimson hearts
Bodies wade through violet smog
Miming amidst the mist
Wind whistles past restless trees
Shadows tickle lampposts’ toes
Nervous laughter muffles
Like the blurry moon
Turgid souls swamp
The turbid side of life
Posts: 5,057
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(02-07-2011, 04:55 AM)madA Wrote: Magenta sighs
Ooze from hazy eyes
As orphan lilac songs echo
Inside crimson hearts
Bodies wade through violet smog
Miming amidst the mist
Wind whistles past restless trees
Shadows tickle lampposts’ toes
Nervous laughter muffles
Like the blurry moon
Turgid souls swamp
The turbid side of life
high madA and thanks for the poem.
Shadows tickle lampposts’ toes
is a great line. some good imagery, i like the imagery.
for me it could be a litte less tell and a little more show
i really enjoyed though got some decent internal rhythm going on
thanks for your 1st poem, hope to see more.
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Hi!
Really enjoyed!
Images and metaphors - are great!
5 stars + rep. point! Even if there are no them here! Ha-ha!
R.Y.
Posts: 5,057
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and thats the way to do it now Ris. just tell them in a post. thanks for showing how it should be done
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOPS!
Billy, am I great?! Ha-ha!
R.Y
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This poem is so outside the way I write poems myself that I doubt I can offer any actual critique; I'd just be fumbling in the dark. But I can say I enjoyed this very much; the sheer eloquence and floridness here made me smile, and the line "Shadows tickle lampposts’ toes" was beautifully unique. I somewhat envy it, in fact
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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I really adored the imagery in this one. Probably wouldn't have chosen that last line, but that's a very minor nitpick (I probably just didn't get the deeper theme here
). Vivid, almost syrupy words. Nicely done
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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belly, RY, helsopian & addy, thanks a lot!
