05-11-2026, 12:51 PM (This post was last modified: 05-20-2026, 01:46 PM by RiverNotch.)
Absence and Antinomy
I cannot say which system is the worse.
Across the Pacific, what signs that the pot changed hands
only through conscious study signify:
most place names are overfamiliar, most passing faces
are white or black or even my shape and color,
and there are no honors---no monuments nor exhibits
outside of museums---afforded to their first nations,
while in Australia a heritage more diverse
is championed by place names more byzantine, statues in public
more angular, murals more nonrealistic, and beggars
more universally dark, squat, and ragged.
Is it better to suffer such contradiction
or to be so thoroughly forgotten?
I cannot say which system is the worse.
In America, there is simply no sign that the pot
was ever owned by someone else: most places
have names that have grown too familiar, most passing faces
are white or black or even my shape and color,
and there are no honors---no monuments nor exhibits
outside of museums---afforded to their first nations,
while in Australia a heritage more diverse
is championed by place names more byzantine, statues in public
more angular, murals more nonrealistic, and beggars
more universally dark, squat, and ragged.
Is it better to suffer such contradiction
or to be so thoroughly forgotten?
I cannot say which system is the worse.
In America, there was simply no sign that the pot
was ever owned by someone else: most places
had names in the tongues of their conquerors, most faces
were white or black or even my shape and color,
and there were no honors---no monuments nor exhibits
outside of museums---afforded to their first nations,
while in Australia a heritage more diverse
is championed by place names more byzantine, statues in public
more angular, murals more nonrealistic, and beggars
more universally dark, squat, and ragged.
Is it better to suffer such contradiction
or to be so thoroughly forgotten?
A nice observational poem on race and class in different postcolonial societies.
(05-11-2026, 12:51 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: Absence and Antinomy
I cannot say which system is the worse. I think this is already neatly conveyed in the last line, so it would be harmless to the piece if this line was cut.
In America, there was simply no sign that the pot
was ever owned by someone else: most places
had names in the tongues of their conquerors, most faces
were white or black or even my shape and color,
and there were no honors---no monuments nor exhibits
outside of museums---afforded to their first nations, I don't think the em dash is needed here
while in Australia a heritage more diverse
is championed by place names more byzantine, statues in public I like the implications of byzantine
more angular, murals more nonrealistic, and beggars
more universally dark, squat, and ragged.
Is it better to suffer such contradiction
or to be so thoroughly forgotten? I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the question, but I was not able to pick up on the positives that come with being forgotten (US) as opposed to the conditions that are nicely outlined in AU (remembered/commemorated but left materially desolate). If I guessed, the positive conditions for the US would be that indigenous cultures are erased/being erased but anyone can climb their way out of poverty, but imo that would be a gross oversimplification of the situation. I think you still have room for more exploration, even for Australia's case, before the final question is delivered.
(05-11-2026, 12:51 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: Absence and Antinomy
I cannot say which system is the worse.
In America, there was simply no sign that the pot
was ever owned by someone else: most places
had names in the tongues of their conquerors, most faces
were white or black or even my shape and color,
and there were no honors---no monuments nor exhibits
outside of museums---afforded to their first nations,
while in Australia a heritage more diverse
is championed by place names more byzantine, statues in public
more angular, murals more nonrealistic, and beggars
more universally dark, squat, and ragged.
Is it better to suffer such contradiction
or to be so thoroughly forgotten?
Another NaPM entry.
Interesting comparison. L1 needs work but otherwise the poem reads well to me.
I would question the use of the past tense to state the US view - "in America, there was....", it could imply it is no longer the case.
Hi, river, while I appreciate that the unemotional tone of the poem is intentional, its unnerving when the genocide at the root of both countries is described without at least a line about grief. The poem inspired grief in me so maybe that's fine, it's as cold as the conquerors. Some notes.
(05-11-2026, 12:51 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: Absence and Antinomy
I cannot say which system is the worse. This line could be used to at least hint at the actual act.
In America, there was simply no sign that the pot
was ever owned by someone else: most places
had names in the tongues of their conquerors, most faces I'm not sure why the poem is in the past.
were white or black or even my shape and color, The phrasing here makes for open-ended thought.
and there were no honors---no monuments nor exhibits
outside of museums---afforded to their first nations, See note below, maybe historical sites instead of museums.
while in Australia a heritage more diverse
is championed by place names more byzantine, statues in public
more angular, murals more nonrealistic, and beggars
more universally dark, squat, and ragged. Good way to bring in current racism, I'm not sure why the American version is more subtle.
Is it better to suffer such contradiction
or to be so thoroughly forgotten?
Another NaPM entry.
The premise that no trace is left of the original inhabitants of the US seems off to me. I live in the Northeastern US where you can't drive 5 miles without running into half a dozen Native American words: roads, rivers, mountain ranges, towns and therefore schools and parks. The link below gives you the idea, the state I live in has its own link listed as do other states. We use these words everyday, which may be even more offensive to surviving descendants, I don't know. I think they're busy fighting bigger battles.
05-14-2026, 04:42 PM (This post was last modified: 05-14-2026, 04:45 PM by RiverNotch.)
Thanks for the feedback. Tense was an oversight: there's a draft out there where it's all consistently past tense, since it's supposed to be a particular sort of recollection, but I'm going with present for now.
(05-14-2026, 04:55 AM)wasellajam Wrote: The premise that no trace is left of the original inhabitants of the US seems off to me. I live in the Northeastern US where you can't drive 5 miles without running into half a dozen Native American words: roads, rivers, mountain ranges, towns and therefore schools and parks. The link below gives you the idea, the state I live in has its own link listed as do other states. We use these words everyday, which may be even more offensive to surviving descendants, I don't know. I think they're busy fighting bigger battles.
This is what prompted me to post this for critique in the first place. When I was writing this, I was thinking about my personal, if brief, experiences in those two places, which are basically as written (though I was more unnerved by my experiences in Australia, since they came much later in life). But then, when reviewing what I'd written post-NaPM, I realized that a place as famous as "Manhattan" wasn't exactly named that way by the Dutch. Not really sure what to do with this one on that front anymore, or if this piece could stand as referring to those places less literally.
(05-14-2026, 04:42 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: Thanks for the feedback. Tense was an oversight: there's a draft out there where it's all consistently past tense, since it's supposed to be a particular sort of recollection, but I'm going with present for now.
(05-14-2026, 04:55 AM)wasellajam Wrote: The premise that no trace is left of the original inhabitants of the US seems off to me. I live in the Northeastern US where you can't drive 5 miles without running into half a dozen Native American words: roads, rivers, mountain ranges, towns and therefore schools and parks. The link below gives you the idea, the state I live in has its own link listed as do other states. We use these words everyday, which may be even more offensive to surviving descendants, I don't know. I think they're busy fighting bigger battles.
This is what prompted me to post this for critique in the first place. When I was writing this, I was thinking about my personal, if brief, experiences in those two places, which are basically as written (though I was more unnerved by my experiences in Australia, since they came much later in life). But then, when reviewing what I'd written post-NaPM, I realized that a place as famous as "Manhattan" wasn't exactly named that way by the Dutch. Not really sure what to do with this one on that front anymore, or if this piece could stand as referring to those places less literally.
I have read it a few times and came to a similar conclusion as ells - I live in VA now and there are more native names than English here though the previous inhabitants themselves as well as most culture are absent or absorbed to the point of invisibility.
It is a conundrum. There is certainly a metaphor here in the comparison and you almost get there with the Auz version (the American one is a bit telly for my taste when it could be represented through reportage).
Perhaps it is to find a new metaphor in the expanded knowledge - there is still a contrast. As far as mechanincs: The 3 line strophes forced some unfortunate breaks at points.
(05-14-2026, 04:42 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: Thanks for the feedback. Tense was an oversight: there's a draft out there where it's all consistently past tense, since it's supposed to be a particular sort of recollection, but I'm going with present for now.
(05-14-2026, 04:55 AM)wasellajam Wrote: The premise that no trace is left of the original inhabitants of the US seems off to me. I live in the Northeastern US where you can't drive 5 miles without running into half a dozen Native American words: roads, rivers, mountain ranges, towns and therefore schools and parks. The link below gives you the idea, the state I live in has its own link listed as do other states. We use these words everyday, which may be even more offensive to surviving descendants, I don't know. I think they're busy fighting bigger battles.
This is what prompted me to post this for critique in the first place. When I was writing this, I was thinking about my personal, if brief, experiences in those two places, which are basically as written (though I was more unnerved by my experiences in Australia, since they came much later in life). But then, when reviewing what I'd written post-NaPM, I realized that a place as famous as "Manhattan" wasn't exactly named that way by the Dutch. Not really sure what to do with this one on that front anymore, or if this piece could stand as referring to those places less literally.
You might be able to lightly reword it to point to the words being the only thing left, we say them but most don't even bother to look into their meanings. I think your point is worth exploring and grounded with the actual places, maybe a tweak can work.
(05-11-2026, 12:51 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: Absence and Antinomy
I cannot say which system is the worse.
In America, there is simply no sign that the pot was ever owned by someone else: most places ... as others have noted, this is simply not true. Idaho, Iowa, Dakota, Kansas et al vs New South Wales, Queensland, etc.
have names that have grown too familiar, most passing faces
are white or black or even my shape and color,
and there are no honors---no monuments nor exhibits
outside of museums---afforded to their first nations,
while in Australia a heritage more diverse
is championed by place names more byzantine, statues in public ... I understand that you're trying to say 'many-syllabled / bizarre / long', and 'byzantine' does the trick, though it left me wondering whether we're being fair to the Greeks
more angular, murals more nonrealistic, and beggars
more universally dark, squat, and ragged.
Is it better to suffer such contradiction
or to be so thoroughly forgotten?
I cannot say which system is the worse.
In America, there was simply no sign that the pot
was ever owned by someone else: most places
had names in the tongues of their conquerors, most faces
were white or black or even my shape and color,
and there were no honors---no monuments nor exhibits
outside of museums---afforded to their first nations,
while in Australia a heritage more diverse
is championed by place names more byzantine, statues in public
more angular, murals more nonrealistic, and beggars
more universally dark, squat, and ragged.
Is it better to suffer such contradiction
or to be so thoroughly forgotten?
Another NaPM entry.
Hi River - the central premise of your poem falls flat, so the payoff isn't really there. Both countries have been genocidal exemplars, but I think America has treated its native culture with more respect than Australia - except very recently, and that too because of legislative changes that have been forced through on a mildly resentful public not too dissimilar to large chunks of the MAGA base. There is no hat tipping in the manner of the Atlanta Braves either. The aboriginal is pitied and condescended upon, never respected.
