Dick diddled Sue

[evanbedford_dot_com]

I wrote about 95% of this poem some 30 years ago when I was doing graduate work at the University of Alberta.  There are about 70 stanzas and they're all about the concepts I was studying at the time. 

It should be fairly easy to spot the other 5% of the poem, since those particular stanzas refer to more recent events.  The imagery is also a bit more recent.  Most of it was done in the late 1990's.

Please feel free to critique both the poetic devices as well as the concepts I've written about...especially the concepts, since I'm social science geek who can't do small talk, but loves to chat about Tocqueville and Darwin, etc. 

Below is the link for the poem without imagery.  Boring!  But if you must, and you're confused about references to the "previous 37 pages" or the "previous chapter", just go to the evanbedford.com site and scroll down to the yellow book thumbnail.  The chapters in question are XI and XII

https://www.evanbedford.com/dick_diddled_sue.pdf

Here is the poem with imagery (less boring, but more time consuming):  https://www.evanbedford.com/pom1.htm

And here is the poem with imagery overlain with my wise -- ha, ha -- commentary:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1zZRnU7OxI&list=PLXWr-pHeloFNEe4BZBPkR2ox9Gi6Q3AMd&index=3 (hmm, the entire youtube address isn't being picked up. You'll either have to copy and paste or just go to my website and click on youtube thumbnail. It's in there somewhere)

................................................

After I posted this in the wrong sub-forum and response was nil, I decided to critique it myself:

Well, I see that no one is coming to critique my poem, so I had better do it myself.

One of the biggest problems with it is that some of the words are not amenable to the meter of the rest of the poem.

The problem arises with certain irreplaceable words which have a lot of syllables that don’t fit either dactylic or anapestic meter. “Sustainability” is the worst offender (in stanza # 10). I tried to force it by typing SUS-tain-a-BIL-ity, but now I realize that I should just leave it as is. The word first gained wide acceptance with the Brundtland Report in 1987 and there aren’t really any suitable synonyms. Oxford’s Compact Thesaurus doesn’t even list the word.

There are some other examples of words with many syllables that are normally iambic or trochaic: The word “communication” in stanza 42. And “cooperation” in stanza 33. They are both examples of using all-caps and multiple hyphens to force the reader to accent the syllables which are not normally accented. It’s too forced. So I’ve taken out the all-caps on both and the hyphens on the second.

I see that I have two more offenders in Stanza 22: “society” and “citizenry”, but I’m not as bothered with the them, since I didn’t have to use all-caps. All I did was space out the syllables.

Then there are a few rhymes that suck. “Sure” and “sewer” in stanza 25. I should work on that.

And then there’s the vitally important economics concept of “externalities” which mixes up different meters internally. It’s in at least a couple of spots in the poem. I shortened it to “externals”...which is dumb academically, but at least it can fit into the anapest/dactyl sentences.

And “odd rumor” in stanza 27. “Odd” is simply a dumb adjective for that line, so I’ve changed it to “old”.

[milo]

I wrote about 95% of this poem some 30 years ago when I was doing graduate work at the University of Alberta.  There are about 70 stanzas and they're all about the concepts I was studying at the time. 

It should be fairly easy to spot the other 5% of the poem, since those particular stanzas refer to more recent events.  The imagery is also a bit more recent.  Most of it was done in the late 1990's.

Please feel free to critique both the poetic devices as well as the concepts I've written about...especially the concepts, since I'm social science geek who can't do small talk, but loves to chat about Tocqueville and Darwin, etc. 

Below is the link for the poem without imagery.  Boring!  But if you must, and you're confused about references to the "previous 37 pages" or the "previous chapter", just go to the evanbedford.com site and scroll down to the yellow book thumbnail.  The chapters in question are XI and XII

https://www.evanbedford.com/dick_diddled_sue.pdf

Here is the poem with imagery (less boring, but more time consuming):  https://www.evanbedford.com/pom1.htm

And here is the poem with imagery overlain with my wise -- ha, ha -- commentary:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1zZRnU7OxI&list=PLXWr-pHeloFNEe4BZBPkR2ox9Gi6Q3AMd&index=3 (hmm, the entire youtube address isn't being picked up. You'll either have to copy and paste or just go to my website and click on youtube thumbnail. It's in there somewhere)

................................................

After I posted this in the wrong sub-forum and response was nil, I decided to critique it myself:

Well, I see that no one is coming to critique my poem, so I had better do it myself.

One of the biggest problems with it is that some of the words are not amenable to the meter of the rest of the poem.

The problem arises with certain irreplaceable words which have a lot of syllables that don’t fit either dactylic or anapestic meter. “Sustainability” is the worst offender (in stanza # 10). I tried to force it by typing SUS-tain-a-BIL-ity, but now I realize that I should just leave it as is. The word first gained wide acceptance with the Brundtland Report in 1987 and there aren’t really any suitable synonyms. Oxford’s Compact Thesaurus doesn’t even list the word.

There are some other examples of words with many syllables that are normally iambic or trochaic: The word “communication” in stanza 42. And “cooperation” in stanza 33. They are both examples of using all-caps and multiple hyphens to force the reader to accent the syllables which are not normally accented. It’s too forced. So I’ve taken out the all-caps on both and the hyphens on the second.

I see that I have two more offenders in Stanza 22: “society” and “citizenry”, but I’m not as bothered with the them, since I didn’t have to use all-caps. All I did was space out the syllables.

Then there are a few rhymes that suck. “Sure” and “sewer” in stanza 25. I should work on that.

And then there’s the vitally important economics concept of “externalities” which mixes up different meters internally. It’s in at least a couple of spots in the poem. I shortened it to “externals”...which is dumb academically, but at least it can fit into the anapest/dactyl sentences.

And “odd rumor” in stanza 27. “Odd” is simply a dumb adjective for that line, so I’ve changed it to “old”.

Hello

For purposes of this forum, please post the actual words, NOT a link.

In addition, it may be advisable to post in sections as 70 stanzas is a lot to critique all in one show.

Good luck!

[Tiger the Lion]

Hey Evan. Again you have not posted a poem, only links. Very few members are willing to follow links, and to be frank, we often consider them spam. Mentioning 70 stanzas means even fewer members will go there. Please post only poems- especially in the critical forums. 
Admin.

[evanbedford_dot_com]

OK, here goes.  Footnotes # 9 and 10 refer to the yellow book thumbnail that can be reached via the site that is my user-name. 

Dick Diddled Sue

I've written a poem...perhaps a bit long.
It speaks of a future when things go quite wrong.

Oh, I know technocrat optimists spewing out drool,
tell us "Don't worry! The future is cool!"

And laissez-faire bus'ness types spewing out fiction,
say that the market will cure all affliction.1 2

1  Economists know that capitalism is generally the most efficient way to allocate resources. However, there are three areas where it absolutely fails. See poetic detour below.

2 The marketplace sometime's somewhat of a stale cure.
In economist's textbooks, there ARE "market failures".

Market failures conveniently group into three.
One includes fighting o'er fish in the sea.

It's the other two though, which should be understood.
One's "market externals", and one's "public goods".

But what about cod stocks and weapons at school?
And third world dictators who kill as they rule?

There’s cee-oh-two warming and frogs in decline,
and weapons-grade nuke-juice sales east of the Rhine.

There’s cee-oh-two warming and frogs in decline,
and weapons-grade nuke-juice sales east of the Rhine.

And the shit-load of guns and the crack and the meth?
Our homes ain’t immune from such violence and death.

Ebola and Aids and the H5N1.
Will they mow us all down like Attila the Hun?

There’s AI gone rogue and we’re glued to our phones.
It’s a world only sick feckin eejits3 condone.

3 A delightful Irish colloquialism applying to such idiots as Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg.


Yes, we need answers. We need them quite soon.
'Cuz from stone cold extinction, we just ain't immune.

Now sustainability should be defined,
when looking at nat'ral and civil decline.

It means vigour and health in our grandchildren's time.
A vigour and health from a new paradigm.

A new paradigm that is really quite old.
de TOKE-ville4 described it, but now it's lost hold.

4 Alexis de Tocqueville, a French philosopher and sociologist from a few centuries ago.

It's the balance of power twixt three social forces.
A balance of power that each one endorses.

As it stands now though, one's in decline.
I'll let you guess which, as each I define.

The first is the "Prince"...well, government really.
The one that, at times, has been spending too freely.

But for neat stuff like schooling and health and defence,
it is something with which we can never dispense.

It's true! It's true! It's not bolshevistic!
Some sphere's just have public goods char'cteristics.5

    5 Goods that are public can be misconstrued,
so to grasp the essentials, remember one clue.

It's their output! Yes, output! It's free to us each.
If anyone wants some, they just have to reach.

The perfect example in matters marine,
are lighthouses signalling hazards unseen.

See? It's their output! Yes, output!...for which oftentimes,
providers have trouble collecting a dime.

And if markets have trouble in selling the stuff,
there's no rationale for supplying enough.

The next social force is best known as the "merchant".
It trades where "invisible hand" is emergent.

But really there's two; there's "Big Merch" and "Small".
It's Small Merch we like. Big often appalls.

Big lays people off, while Small tends to hire.
Big often leaves town. Small stays in the shire.

And then there are times when Big kisses the Prince.
The Prince kisses back and the rest of us wince.

Have you guessed the third force in our so-sigh-eh-tee?
Why yes. But of course. It's SIT-i-zin-ree!

But we're now very flabby. We sit on our ass.
We give up too soon. We just let it pass.

The problem is cultural. That I am sure.
The culture we're fed spews straight out of the sewer.

It portrays us consuming, with but little else.
It neglects us producing, for that never sells.

Thus even in civics, we're passive consumers.
Getting involved? That's just some old rumour.

Once every few years, we go to the polls
and leave all the rest for elites to control.

Another great flaw in our cultural prism
is far, far too much individualism.

Freedom expressing oneself to the rest?
Oh no! I mean greed and beating one's chest!

Our buddy de TOKE-ville first saw it a bit.
Said dictators love it when people are split.

We've been brought up on myths that economists claim.
Like ALL-truism ain't part of the game.

But ask an ecologist if competition's
the only thing life-forms have as their ambition.

"Of course not!", she'll say, "There's co-op-er-AY-shun".
"Even Darwin acknowledged such qualifications".6

6  “I use this term [struggle for existence] in a large and metaphorical sense including dependence of one being on another..." (Origin of Species, 1859, pp. 62-63)

There's another concern that has caused much frustration.
It's that culture has suffered so much fragmentation.

Culture at one time was fairly wholistic.
Our hopes and our dreams were much more realistic.

We thought about fam'ly. We thought about friends.
We thought of ideals that we'd die to defend.

We thought about death. We thought about birth.
We thought about life on this vast village earth.

But now that our earth is much more like a city,
our culture, it seems, issues forth from committees.

We know if some jock, to a million said "nope",
and if Dick diddled Sue on the afternoon soap.

It's trivial crap that is usually quite boring.
It's trivial crap that we should be ignoring.

But 500 channels are aw-f'lee compelling.
This, even with crises we should be out quelling.

Sure, there's the value of com-une-i-cay-shun,
but garbage transmissions bring mental castration.

Sure, there's a switch that we all can turn off.
If you think that's the answer, I'll jeer and I'll scoff.

Let's be realistic. Let's use common sense.
Let's ask how our debt got so bloody immense.

Trudeau?7 Mulroney? Sure, they did their part.
But what of us peons? It's here you should start.

7  Referring to Pierre Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada from 1968 to 1979 and again from 1980 to 1984.  Both his government and later, Brian Mulroney’s were known for unsustainable deficits. 

They frittered our billions, but what held our gaze?
Loud morons on game-shows in shameful displays.

And what about me? Did I protest at all?
Uh...well, no...but I did see Stallone in some ass-kicking brawls!

Thus citizens shackled by cultural junk
have all their potential so utterly shrunk.

This just will not do. We cannot survive
unless the grass-roots is enabled to thrive.

Economists mention in didactic journals
some curious stuff they call "market externals".

They're side effects really...not the main aim,
yet still they can maim and inflame and cause shame.

The common example is industry's dirt
or my car, out of which sickly smoke thickly spurts.

But what of the dirt on the idiot box?
Shouldn't some writers be thrown in the stocks?

Mind you, there's the contrast of our CBC
...well...for certain their radio; that I'll agree.8

8  Check out my youtube video at https://youtu.be/IFybkViat-4 where I detail where CBC exhibits public goods characteristics and where it does not.  My views on this have not changed since the 1990’s.

And yes; PBS. It uplifts and enables.
And grassroots control of community cable.

So in fact, there are two types of media ware.
Either buckets of crap or the good stuff that's rare.

The good stuff will often use taxpayer's cash,
while cess that is ceaseless shows ads full of flash.

And one can presume that the Hollywood hacks
at least pay some nominal burden of tax.

So the bad pays for good. A few bucks are collected.
Will that get cathodic corruption corrected?

Their market external's so bloody immense
that surely there should be much more recompense.

And their public goods assets? So bloody minute
that a skull full of grey matter quickly transmutes.

So how should we curb the worst sins of such stations
that speed the erosion of civilization?

…and the video games that pretend that it's fun
to go out and steal cars and shoot cops with a gun.

What we need is a magnet. Something to pull
the people away from the worst of the bull.

As for magnets, there's two that I much recommend.
If we give them a chance, then our sheep-walk will end.

One deals with culture and social reforms.
"It takes a village..." being one of the norms.9

9  Of course I’m referring to Communitarianism.  But I suspect that you’re sick and tired of poetry by now.  So, for more info, go to the previous chapter and look under the three headings labelled Citizenship, Economics and Individualism.

The other's political. Spreading control.
Jane and Joe Lunch-box will now have a roll.

But Jane and Joe Lunch-box with boosted IQ's,
discussing the critical things in the news.10

10  Of course I’m referring to Citizen’s Assemblies and Public Policy Juries and Civic Journalism.  For more info on those subjects, go to the previous chapter and look under the five headings labelled Communication, Consensus, Democracy, Mass Media and Public Journalism. 

OK…

…my poem is over.  There’s no more to say,
except a brief wish that we turn out OK.

[milo]

‘No more of this, for Goddes dignitee,’ Quod
oure hoste, ‘for thou makest me So wery of
thy verray lewednesse That, also wisly God
my soule blesse, Myn eres aken of thy
drasty speche; Now swiche a rym the devel
I biteche! This may wel be rym dogerel,’
quod he.

-Chaucer

So, I actually did click on the link and read it

It is interesting enough but not really poetry, per se, but "rym dogerel" as Chaucer would put it.

Poetry depends heavily on figurative language and metaphor (as well as other poetic devices) to convey while this uses rhetoric

That saying, there is nothing wrong with doggerel and it certainly has its uses for enhancing reading.

It really isn't that long, the meter, rhyme and excess verbiage could use some work, if you are interested in working on it, I would be up for the challenge.

---

update, just realized you posted it in its entirety, I will follow up this post with some suggestions for improvement after I have given it some time and thought

[milo]

Due to the nature of this, I will predominantly focus on mechanics like rhyme and meter as well as padding.
I will mention that the title might be doing the opposite of what you wish
I assume you picked it to draw readers in but I feel it is doing the opposite.

OK, here goes.  Footnotes # 9 and 10 refer to the yellow book thumbnail that can be reached via the site that is my user-name. 

Dick Diddled Sue

I've written a poem...perhaps a bit long.    1
It speaks of a future when things go quite wrong.    2

Oh, I know technocrat optimists spewing out drool,    3
tell us "Don't worry! The future is cool!"    4

And laissez-faire bus'ness types spewing out fiction,    5
say that the market will cure all affliction.1 2    6

so you have chosen what is essentially anapestic tetrameter as your predominant meter (some could argue it is amphibrachic but it won't matter for our purposes. This is a meter defined as dadaDUM dadaDUM dadaDUM dadaDUM . It is a good meter for a long diatribe as it helps the verse gallop along.

L3, meter wrong and padding, could try "The technocrat optimists spew out their drool"

L1 - eliminate the 3 dots

L5 - don't need to force the ellision on business, the regular spelling works in a modern spelling

L6 - maybe pad out the meter "will say that the market will cure all affliction"

1  Economists know that capitalism is generally the most efficient way to allocate resources. However, there are three areas where it absolutely fails. See poetic detour below.

2 The marketplace sometime's somewhat of a stale cure.
In economist's textbooks, there ARE "market failures".

Market failures conveniently group into three.     7
One includes fighting o'er fish in the sea.     8

It's the other two though, which should be understood.     9
One's "market externals", and one's "public goods".     10

But what about cod stocks and weapons at school?     11
And third world dictators who kill as they rule?     12

There’s cee-oh-two warming and frogs in decline,     13
and weapons-grade nuke-juice sales east of the Rhine.     14

There’s cee-oh-two warming and frogs in decline,     15
and weapons-grade nuke-juice sales east of the Rhine.     16

And the shit-load of guns and the crack and the meth?     17
Our homes ain’t immune from such violence and death.     18

L8 - switch One with "The first" and don't need to force the ellision on over
L13 - you can just say CO2
L15 - 16 are doubles
L18 - extra syllabel, could fix by switching to "violent death"

you continue through the rest of the poem occasionally starting the line on the accent, I will stop noting it in the interest of expediancy

Ebola and Aids and the H5N1.     19
Will they mow us all down like Attila the Hun?     20

There’s AI gone rogue and we’re glued to our phones.     21
It’s a world only sick feckin eejits3 condone.     22

3 A delightful Irish colloquialism applying to such idiots as Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg.


Yes, we need answers. We need them quite soon.     23
'Cuz from stone cold extinction, we just ain't immune.     24

Now sustainability should be defined,     25
when looking at nat'ral and civil decline.     26

L25 - 3 extra feet and iambic, this is a pretty tough problem. The problem happens with sustainability - there is no way to anapest that.  You could maybe try "Now the mock green agenda should be defined"
L26 - I have a tough time elliding over natural, could be just me

It means vigour and health in our grandchildren's time.     27
A vigour and health from a new paradigm.     28

A new paradigm that is really quite old.     29
de TOKE-ville4 described it, but now it's lost hold.     30

30  could just skip the odd spelling and then remove the foothold

4 Alexis de Tocqueville, a French philosopher and sociologist from a few centuries ago.

It's the balance of power twixt three social forces.     31
A balance of power that each one endorses.     32

As it stands now though, one's in decline.     33
I'll let you guess which, as each I define.     34

The first is the "Prince"...well, government really.     35
The one that, at times, has been spending too freely.     36

But for neat stuff like schooling and health and defence,     37
it is something with which we can never dispense.     38

33 - As it stands now there is one in decline would fix it.
34 - inverted speach
37 - cut "But"

It's true! It's true! It's not bolshevistic!      39
Some sphere's just have public goods char'cteristics.5     40

    5 Goods that are public can be misconstrued,
so to grasp the essentials, remember one clue.

It's their output! Yes, output! It's free to us each.     41
If anyone wants some, they just have to reach.     42

39 - "It is true! It is True! It is not Bolshevistic"
40 - some spheres have superior characteristics
41 - inversion

The perfect example in matters marine,     43
are lighthouses signalling hazards unseen.     44

See? It's their output! Yes, output!...for which oftentimes,     45
providers have trouble collecting a dime.     46

And if markets have trouble in selling the stuff,     47
there's no rationale for supplying enough.     48

The next social force is best known as the "merchant".     49
It trades where "invisible hand" is emergent.     50

 
43 - inversion
44 - inversion
45 - "See? It's their output for which oftentimes,"

But really there's two; there's "Big Merch" and "Small".     51
It's Small Merch we like. Big often appalls.     52

Big lays people off, while Small tends to hire.     53
Big often leaves town. Small stays in the shire.     54

And then there are times when Big kisses the Prince.     55
The Prince kisses back and the rest of us wince.     56

Have you guessed the third force in our so-sigh-eh-tee?     57
Why yes. But of course. It's SIT-i-zin-ree!     58

51 But really there's two there's the big and the small
55. awkward demotion on "Big"
58 - Why yes but of course it is citizenry

But we're now very flabby. We sit on our ass.     59
We give up too soon. We just let it pass.     60

The problem is cultural. That I am sure.     61
The culture we're fed spews straight out of the sewer.     62

It portrays us consuming, with but little else.     63
It neglects us producing, for that never sells.     64

Thus even in civics, we're passive consumers.     65
Getting involved? That's just some old rumour.     66

 

Realizing how much further I have to go, going to limit the commentary and assume you understand

59 - But now we're so flabby we sit on our asses
60 - we give up too soon as everything passes
61 - inversion
62 - awkward demotion on "spews"
63 - why not pluralize rumors?

Once every few years, we go to the polls     67
and leave all the rest for elites to control.     68

Another great flaw in our cultural prism     69
is far, far too much individualism.     70

Freedom expressing oneself to the rest?     71
Oh no! I mean greed and beating one's chest!     72

Our buddy de TOKE-ville first saw it a bit.     73
Said dictators love it when people are split.     74

74 - said dictators will love it when people are split

We've been brought up on myths that economists claim.     75
Like ALL-truism ain't part of the game.     76

But ask an ecologist if competition's     77
the only thing life-forms have as their ambition.     78

"Of course not!", she'll say, "There's co-op-er-AY-shun".     79
"Even Darwin acknowledged such qualifications".6     80

76 - We're raised on these myths and economists' claims
77 - We know altruism isn't part of the game

6  “I use this term [struggle for existence] in a large and metaphorical sense including dependence of one being on another..." (Origin of Species, 1859, pp. 62-63)

There's another concern that has caused much frustration.     81
It's that culture has suffered so much fragmentation.     82

Culture at one time was fairly wholistic.     83
Our hopes and our dreams were much more realistic.     84

We thought about fam'ly. We thought about friends.     85
We thought of ideals that we'd die to defend.     86

We thought about death. We thought about birth.     87
We thought about life on this vast village earth.     88

But now that our earth is much more like a city,     89
our culture, it seems, issues forth from committees.     90

83 - sp - holistic
85 - don't need to force the ellision
86 - We thought of ideals we'd die to defend
87 - We thought about death and we thought about birth
90 - dont think you need the plural on committee

We know if some jock, to a million said "nope",     91
and if Dick diddled Sue on the afternoon soap.     92

It's trivial crap that is usually quite boring.     93
It's trivial crap that we should be ignoring.     94

But 500 channels are aw-f'lee compelling.     95
This, even with crises we should be out quelling.     96

Sure, there's the value of com-une-i-cay-shun,     97
but garbage transmissions bring mental castration.     98

Sure, there's a switch that we all can turn off.     99
If you think that's the answer, I'll jeer and I'll scoff.     100

91 - inversion
93 - Its trivial crap that is really quite boring
95 - dont need to force the ellision

Let's be realistic. Let's use common sense.     101
Let's ask how our debt got so bloody immense.     102

Trudeau?7 Mulroney? Sure, they did their part.     103
But what of us peons? It's here you should start.     104

7  Referring to Pierre Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada from 1968 to 1979 and again from 1980 to 1984.  Both his government and later, Brian Mulroney’s were known for unsustainable deficits. 

They frittered our billions, but what held our gaze?     105
Loud morons on game-shows in shameful displays.     106

103 - Trudeau and Mulroney? Sure they did their part

And what about me? Did I protest at all?     107
Uh...well, no...but I did see Stallone in some ass-kicking brawls!     108

Thus citizens shackled by cultural junk     109
have all their potential so utterly shrunk.     110

This just will not do. We cannot survive     111
unless the grass-roots is enabled to thrive.     112

Economists mention in didactic journals     113
some curious stuff they call "market externals".     114

108 - no real way to fix in its current form.  It is 2 feet too long.
113 - Economists mention in prosaic journals

They're side effects really...not the main aim,     115
yet still they can maim and inflame and cause shame.     116

The common example is industry's dirt     117
or my car, out of which sickly smoke thickly spurts.     118

But what of the dirt on the idiot box?     119
Shouldn't some writers be thrown in the stocks?     120

Mind you, there's the contrast of our CBC     121
...well...for certain their radio; that I'll agree.8     122

115 - I would trim every ellipses out
116 - Mind you the contrast of the CBC
122 - sp - "they're"

8  Check out my youtube video at https://youtu.be/IFybkViat-4 where I detail where CBC exhibits public goods characteristics and where it does not.  My views on this have not changed since the 1990’s.

And yes; PBS. It uplifts and enables.     123
And grassroots control of community cable.     124

So in fact, there are two types of media ware.     125
Either buckets of crap or the good stuff that's rare.     126

The good stuff will often use taxpayer's cash,     127
while cess that is ceaseless shows ads full of flash.     128

And one can presume that the Hollywood hacks     129
at least pay some nominal burden of tax.     130

So the bad pays for good. A few bucks are collected.     131
Will that get cathodic corruption corrected?     132

Their market external's so bloody immense     133
that surely there should be much more recompense.     134

And their public goods assets? So bloody minute     135
that a skull full of grey matter quickly transmutes.     136

So how should we curb the worst sins of such stations     137
that speed the erosion of civilization?     138

…and the video games that pretend that it's fun     139
to go out and steal cars and shoot cops with a gun.     140

What we need is a magnet. Something to pull     141
the people away from the worst of the bull.     142

As for magnets, there's two that I much recommend.     143
If we give them a chance, then our sheep-walk will end.     144

One deals with culture and social reforms.     145
"It takes a village..." being one of the norms.9     146

9  Of course I’m referring to Communitarianism.  But I suspect that you’re sick and tired of poetry by now.  So, for more info, go to the previous chapter and look under the three headings labelled Citizenship, Economics and Individualism.

The other's political. Spreading control.     147
Jane and Joe Lunch-box will now have a roll.     148

But Jane and Joe Lunch-box with boosted IQ's,     149
discussing the critical things in the news.10     150

10  Of course I’m referring to Citizen’s Assemblies and Public Policy Juries and Civic Journalism.  For more info on those subjects, go to the previous chapter and look under the five headings labelled Communication, Consensus, Democracy, Mass Media and Public Journalism. 

OK…

…my poem is over.  There’s no more to say,     151
except a brief wish that we turn out OK.     152

I gave up with not much more to go, perhaps I can return at some point.

First, let me say this isn't the type of critique we would normally give in this forum
Second - understand any suggestions I made were NOT intended to fix or rewrite your poem but rather to demonstrate what correct meter would look like.

This was actually much better than expected.  Granted, it is in rhyming couplets and loaded with filler words and inversion.

My guess is, you are far more into political commentary or economics but you were bit by the bug and inspired to write this.

Well, you have a natural talent for rhyme and meter.  your meter held up pretty good and it is a difficult meter to write in.  Some of the rhymes were quite creative.

If you had the bug once, you may get it again, I say stick around, read a few poems and see if you want to try your hand aain.

Thanks