Synthesia

[aschueler]

Nothing is wrong with Five.
Five is an early, good 
prime, adds nicely to 
itself giving us
ten. It is three then
two. Even numbers can
count off in pairs. And,
in those pairs we find
strong attachment. Three
we know in cliche,
where "two is company"
but the third destroys
one or two because
it is not one or
two.

Two against three. Who
wins? Three against two.

Remove one (or two)
from the Five, and turn
it out. Give no anchor.
As one, and slender,
it sails and harbors
in occult, narrow 
clear springs of truth, old
made new, learns that three
yearns to hold the two.
The three, still three, kills
one of the three.

Five is now four. Two 
pair, which pairs with which?
Four cannot a circle make, 
thus four has symmetry 
but no goal. As such,
It loses one. The last,
the three, the radicals
unstable they break.
Still the one, first and only
prime remains.



Brief explanation: was written during a writing exercise, meant practice iambic syllables. Also to try to explain to someone what synthesia with numbers feels like, when I was a kid learing math each number had different personalities. Don't trust seven. Longer story there.

[tun]

Nothing is wrong with Five.
Five is an early, good 
prime, adds nicely to 
itself giving us
ten. It is three then
two. Even numbers can
count off in pairs. And,
in those pairs we find
strong attachment. Three
we know in cliche,
where "two is company"
but the third destroys
one or two because
it is not one or
two.

Two against three. Who
wins? Three against two.

Remove one (or two)
from the Five, and turn
it out. Give no anchor.
As one, and slender,
it sails and harbors
in occult, narrow 
clear springs of truth, old
made new, learns that three
yearns to hold the two.
The three, still three, kills
one of the three.

Five is now four. Two 
pair, which pairs with which?
Four cannot a circle make, 
thus four has symmetry 
but no goal. As such,
It loses one. The last,
the three, the radicals
unstable they break.
Still the one, first and only
prime remains.



Brief explanation: was written during a writing exercise, meant practice iambic syllables. Also to try to explain to someone what synthesia with numbers feels like, when I was a kid learing math each number had different personalities. Don't trust seven. Longer story there.

My name is Bobby
my name is Sevensorry
Mr Bobby Sevensorry
and I was Bob
born sorry
just but this old Robert
and seven good old
seven times
shall you be Sevensorry seven times
seven Robert sorry seven times like me
(Robert) Bobby Sevensorry
seven sorry
is that what you shall be.

[aschueler]

Not exactly constructive, but I guess it is a way to say it sucks.

[Tiger the Lion]

Nothing is wrong with Five.
Five is an early, good 
prime, adds nicely to 
itself giving us
ten. It is three then
two. Even numbers can
count off in pairs. And,
in those pairs we find
strong attachment. Three
we know in cliche,
where "two is company"
but the third destroys
one or two because
it is not one or
two.

Two against three. Who
wins? Three against two.

Remove one (or two)
from the Five, and turn
it out. Give no anchor.
As one, and slender,
it sails and harbors
in occult, narrow 
clear springs of truth, old
made new, learns that three
yearns to hold the two.
The three, still three, kills
one of the three.

Five is now four. Two 
pair, which pairs with which?
Four cannot a circle make, 
thus four has symmetry 
but no goal. As such,
It loses one. The last,
the three, the radicals
unstable they break.
Still the one, first and only
prime remains.



Brief explanation: was written during a writing exercise, meant practice iambic syllables. Also to try to explain to someone what synthesia with numbers feels like, when I was a kid learing math each number had different personalities. Don't trust seven. Longer story there.

My name is Bobby
my name is Sevensorry
Mr Bobby Sevensorry
and I was Bob
born sorry
just but this old Robert
and seven good old
seven times
shall you be Sevensorry seven times
seven Robert sorry seven times like me
(Robert) Bobby Sevensorry
seven sorry
is that what you shall be.

This is not appropriate feedback in a critical forum. Do better.
Admin.

[Bunx]

I enjoyed this poem especially after knowing the context of the title. I've have friends who have/feel?) synthesia and I definitely heard this poems tone as a conversation with a friend. I feel like my advice or wish for this poem would be more context. Make the poem come to life maybe by making this a conversation or monologue. Tell a bigger story potentially. I could cut and keep choice stanzas potentially. Either way it was a fun read. 
Thanks for the post

[aschueler]

Nothing is wrong with Five.
Five is an early, good 
prime, adds nicely to 
itself giving us
ten. It is three then
two. Even numbers can
count off in pairs. And,
in those pairs we find
strong attachment. Three
we know in cliche,
where "two is company"
but the third destroys
one or two because
it is not one or
two.

Two against three. Who
wins? Three against two.

Remove one (or two)
from the Five, and turn
it out. Give no anchor.
As one, and slender,
it sails and harbors
in occult, narrow 
clear springs of truth, old
made new, learns that three
yearns to hold the two.
The three, still three, kills
one of the three.

Five is now four. Two 
pair, which pairs with which?
Four cannot a circle make, 
thus four has symmetry 
but no goal. As such,
It loses one. The last,
the three, the radicals
unstable they break.
Still the one, first and only
prime remains.



Brief explanation: was written during a writing exercise, meant practice iambic syllables. Also to try to explain to someone what synthesia with numbers feels like, when I was a kid learing math each number had different personalities. Don't trust seven. Longer story there.

My name is Bobby
my name is Sevensorry
Mr Bobby Sevensorry
and I was Bob
born sorry
just but this old Robert
and seven good old
seven times
shall you be Sevensorry seven times
seven Robert sorry seven times like me
(Robert) Bobby Sevensorry
seven sorry
is that what you shall be.

This is not appropriate feedback in a critical forum. Do better.
Admin.

Have to admit it was amusing and a way to tell me how clippy and annoying the meter is. I kind of agree with everyone

---

I enjoyed this poem especially after knowing the context of the title. I've have friends who have/feel?) synthesia and I definitely heard this poems tone as a conversation with a friend. I feel like my advice or wish for this poem would be more context. Make the poem come to life maybe by making this a conversation or monologue. Tell a bigger story potentially. I could cut and keep choice stanzas potentially. Either way it was a fun read. 
Thanks for the post

Thanks for the feedback.

[sun_sparks]

Nothing is wrong with Five.
Five is an early, good 
prime, adds nicely to 
itself giving us
ten. It is three then
two. Even numbers can
count off in pairs. And,
in those pairs we find
strong attachment. Three
we know in cliche, "cliché" is the correct spelling
where "two is company"
but the third destroy
one or two because
it is not one or
two. These last four lines get a bit muddled in my reading. I expect to see "three's a crowd" if you're following the cliché theme.

Two against three. Who
wins? Three against two.

Remove one (or two) Could the "(or two)" be removed here? 
from the Five, and turn
it out. Give no anchor.
As one, and slender,
it sails and harbors
in occult, narrow 
clear springs of truth, old
made new, learns that three
yearns to hold the two.
The three, still three, kills
one of the three. Again, this gets a little confused. I like the image of a 1 sailing through narrow spaces. Where did the three come from here?

Five is now four. Two 
pair, which pairs with which?
Four cannot a circle make, I loved this part because I started drawing pictures in my brain, which is exactly your point. And I thought the concept of no goal was interesting - why does 5 have a goal? And why does this make it lose 1?
thus four has symmetry 
but no goal. As such,
It loses one. The last,
the three, the radicals
unstable they break. 
Still the one, first and only
prime remains. I would love to see it end on the 5 again, to be honest... but perhaps that's my own numerical preferences coming in!



Brief explanation: was written during a writing exercise, meant practice iambic syllables. Also to try to explain to someone what synthesia with numbers feels like, when I was a kid learing math each number had different personalities. Don't trust seven. Longer story there.

I'm going to try to make a moderate critique of this, aschueler, but let me start by saying I really loved the concept of this poem. And I loved the punchiness of the language. To me, that made sense - bouncing around like numbers in a schoolroom. 

I also found myself understanding on a second read why you capitalized Five, as Five is clearly the main character in this poem. This does get slightly lost later on in the poem - where the one is set free, but it then moves to three and it ends on one again.

Please edit this - I'd love to see where it goes. 

And tell the story of 7 through poetry.