sprung

[Magpie]

snow
daffodils
bowing to dog shit


original version

in the snow
daffodils
bow to dog shit

[Semicircle]

in the snow    When the snow melts
daffodils
bow to dog shit

I can't picture daffodils bowing to shit inside the snow.

Funny observation,
any poem with fecality in it
gets my vote.

[Magpie]

in the snow    When the snow melts
daffodils
bow to dog shit

I can't picture daffodils bowing to shit inside the snow.

Funny observation,
any poem with fecality in it
gets my vote.

yeah i know what you mean. I played with various inversions where 'in the snow' would make more sense.

daffodils
bow to dog shit
in the snow

i wanted the snow in to contrast with the shit or else it could be 

daffodils
bow
to dog shit

but i don't think that's as good an image.

cheers for the input, i'll give it a thought

mark

[rowens]

Take out the "in the".

And there's something you can add to the word 'bow'. You know?

---

I use " " when referring to things you or someone said/wrote. I use ' ' when I refer to terms in and of themselves.
That's my style.

[Magpie]

Thanks Rowens, i like the suggestion. Edited.

[Mark A Becker]

Hey other Mark-

snow too short- perhaps 'from snow'
daffodils indeed, daffodils do arrive very early
bowing to dog shit hmm? I guess it's all shit for the flowers

These short ones are always the most difficult. The 'shock' of the dog shit doesn't really do it for me, even though I have seen daffodils along the sidewalk that have sprung up right beside the dog doo- they seem to like it, and perhaps I can view it as them bowing in thanks. Still...