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Oh exquisite libidinous mouth
Guiding me enthusiastically towards ecstacy
I dwell in your sensual embrace
Savoring each luscious lip
Your every touch is bliss
I trace each lip with my tongue
Lingering to draw out pleasure
My fingertips coax them closer and
Pressing mine to yours
I am transported
An inviting nip, nibble, bite
Pulling away with lascivious intent
Your lips respond with eager passion
Feeling the heat of my fervor
In your fullness, I melt
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The line, "savoring each luscious lips" is confusing to me. It seems to be a simple matter of a conflicting plural noun and singular adjective, but perhaps this was done on purpose? I will add that using the noun lips would refer to the speaker kissing multiple people, though the main focus of this poem seems to be a singular lover. I would love to hear your thoughts about it.
The overall mood created is exquisite. I love the descriptiveness.
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Simple, straight forward message here.
I get the drift.
I know little of the grammar requires so I'll refrain.
I do wonder who this would be directed to.
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(06-17-2020, 10:45 AM)Icandigit Wrote: Oh exquisite libidinous mouth
Guiding me enthusiastically towards ecstacy Chill out
I dwell in your sensual embrace
Savoring each luscious lip
Your every touch is bliss
I trace each lip with my tongue gross
Lingering to draw out pleasure
My fingertips coax them closer and
Pressing mine to yours I can't tell what's happening.
I am transported
An inviting nip, nibble, bite more gross
Pulling away with lascivious intent
Your lips respond with eager passion
Feeling the heat of my fervor
In your fullness, I melt
The words I boldened seemed forced to me.
Also, you might want to work on the attractiveness of your poem
since that is what I think you are going for
because I was more creeped out than aroused
throughout this.
