High Sierra Night

[illya_v]

High Sierra Night

Late at night at altitude
aptly wrapped in warmth
amid an ambient wind,
I lie staring at glinting
stars flickering through
the shivering tree
canopy above me;
a full moon illuminates
surrounding snow-capped
mountain peaks and ridges,
silhouetting lower layers of
jagged crags and spires.
Breathing in soothing
pine scented air,
I doze off listening to
snowmelt splash among
creek rocks gleaming
in the High Sierra night.

[ellajam]

Hi, illya. This poem does a good job of describing the scene but while it makes me want to go with it I find myself on the outside looking in instead of quite getting there. Some notes on why this may be so are below.

High Sierra Night

Late at night at altitude Is altitude necessary when your title has "high"?
aptly wrapped in warmth Warmth is abstract, a missed opportunity for me to enter the poem through a specific experience.
amid an ambient wind, Ambient doesn't help me any.
I lie staring at glinting
stars flickering through
the shivering tree
canopy above me; You might limit the "ing"s through here, They thicken the poem when for me I'm expecting a light, stimulating experience.
a full moon illuminates
surrounding snow-capped
mountain peaks and ridges,
silhouetting lower layers of
jagged crags and spires. A clear picture forms but somehow I'm looking at a postcard instead of a unique painting. Try to think about using language that evokes a cold, still night.
Breathing in soothing Soothing doesn't help me, I think the whole poem is soothing and doesn't need to be mentioned.
pine scented air,
I doze off listening to
snowmelt splash among
creek rocks gleaming Love snowmelt splash and creek rocks, the soft sound of the first phrase vs the hard sound of the second. Not a fan of "among".
in the High Sierra night.

I think this poem is close to success. Good luck with it.

[Knot]

Hi illya
There's some nice scene setting here, but it really could do with a robust edit I think.  
It is, as ellajam said, rather overwritten ('glinting' and 'flickering'?),
and the title simply doesn't do enough (apart from introduce the word 'night'
which is the repeated twice in the piece)
Just a suggestion:

at altitude, wrapped
[in what/or in what way?] warmth
[neither 'amid' nor 'ambient' work here] wind,

a full moon, snow-capped
peaks and ridges,
jagged spires.

I lie [watching the] stars
flickering through
the shivering ['branches' rather than 'tree', perhaps?]

listening to snowmelt
splash among creek rocks
in the High Sierra night.
(There's a simplicity to these three lines that I think works very well).

Best, Knot

[71degrees]

High Sierra Night

Late at night at altitude
aptly wrapped in warmth
amid an ambient wind,
I lie staring at glinting
stars flickering through
the shivering tree
canopy above me;
a full moon illuminates
surrounding snow-capped
mountain peaks and ridges,
silhouetting lower layers of
jagged crags and spires.
Breathing in soothing
pine scented air,
I doze off listening to
snowmelt splash among
creek rocks gleaming
in the High Sierra night.

I read this and say to myself, "This is nice. It's pretty."

If that's all you want to accomplish, you have succeeded. There isn't anything else here but a postcard. The language belongs on one of those self-meditating music tracks I might listen to while getting a massage.

The best thing you did is give me a location (High Sierra) and that way you have a bit of ownership. Thank you for doing that.

[CRNDLSM]

High Sierra Night

Late at night at altitude
aptly wrapped in warmth these two lines set up a what seems will be a pleasant journey
amid an ambient wind, this line reads well but cuts the relaxing journey, each line from here feels choppy and short, quick paced and slightly interrupting 
I lie staring at glinting
stars flickering through
the shivering tree
canopy above me; I love the rhythm between staring glinting flickering shivering canopy
a full moon illuminates
surrounding snow-capped
mountain peaks and ridges,
silhouetting lower layers of
jagged crags and spires. Some good word choices through this sentence
Breathing in soothing
pine scented air,
I doze off listening to I want 'to' on the next line
snowmelt splash among same with among, snowmelt splash is nice
creek rocks gleaming and I kinda want gleaming on it's own line
in the High Sierra night. Don't think you need this line, but it does clarify through capitalization what the title obscures.

Wish I could see it for real