Fountain of Cheese

[RiverNotch]

I found eternal youth
in mangled drafts and lines
to be,

my works you love "mature"
and soonest out of style
like me.

[dukealien]

I found eternal youth
in mangled drafts and lines
to be,

my works you love "mature"
and soonest out of style
like me.

Probably misinterpreting, but brings to mind the eternal search for the lost coin:  once found, no longer interesting.  But maybe there's another...

Once the imperfections stop nagging, the curds become cheese, and the cheese a memory (or just caved away for that book which never seems to come together)... well, there's plenty more cows out there.

Very enjoyable.

[CRNDLSM]

Love cheese

[nibbed]

it seems like a sad poem,
vulnerable...
like the speaker is forcing
themself to be something
they think might seem
more desirable...
I didn't see how the title
worked at first but,
okay, now I get the title.

[Achebe]

I found eternal youth
in mangled drafts and lines
to be,

my works you love "mature"
and soonest out of style
like me.

A full stop after the first strophe and a new line to begin the second (with 'and' replaced by 'are' in L5) made sense to me. I can't follow the sentence as it stands.

I like S1. The idea is that drafts of half written poems, mostly the 'first lines' that come to mind, are always a great source of inspiration...

[RiverNotch]

thanks for the readings. i still find the whole being one sentence to be the smoothest read, so probably no alterations in that department

while as for the title, i'd actually meant that to refer to the piece's general sentiment. but right, cheese could also be mature --

again, thanks for the readings.