Fake ID

[AndyB]

Fake ID

The inlier rocks of the thrust faults in Montana

I identify myself to you

I put up confusing isotypes which make it seem like I am dreaming of the question mark

When in actuality I'm giving out information pamphlets regarding the inurned ashes of historic hotels

Inquiries answered daily about the Plaza in New York or the Tremont House of Boston

My indignant answers go unquestioned for ages

Like ignimbrite deposits from once explosive magmatic gasses

They end up itemized like a to do list

I call it my great imbroglio

Distraction unnerves my identity

[Weeded]

Fake ID

The inlier rocks of the thrust faults in Montana

I identify myself to you

I put up confusing isotypes which make it seem like I am dreaming of the question mark In a poem with such strong geology references 'isotype' kinda sticks out to me.

When in actuality I'm giving out information pamphlets regarding the inurned ashes of historic hotels Inurned- now there's a word you don't hear everyday. I'm enjoying the assonance though.

Inquiries answered daily about the Plaza in New York or the Tremont House of Boston

My indignant answers go unquestioned for ages

Like ignimbrite deposits from once explosive magmatic gasses

They end up itemized like a to do list

I call it my great imbroglio

Imbroglio.. Great word
Distraction unnerves my identity

The poem is straightforward and the word choice is decent. I'm having a hard time figuring out the setting, as well as the plot resolution. From what I gather this is about a narrator who dreams of volcanoes and mountains but is bogged down by the toils of a 9-5. Close?

[ellajam]

Hi, Andy, welcome to the site. For me, this was like a jigsaw puzzle and some of the pieces have slipped under the couch. I like the title. in the first two lines the lack of punctuation made the incomplete sentence of the first line awkward for me, but if you put a colon or dash  after Montana you'd probably have to continue with punctuation which you seem not to want to do, so I'm unsure of how to resolve this. I'm not sure why Montana matters.

In Line 3 I can't imagine where you're putting them up or what the question mark is about. The specifics about the hotels lead me to think hotel is not a metaphor which leads me to think how do you get away with being indignant about your responses? I am obviously confused.

In line 7 I'm not sure why you need ignimbrite, what else would the deposits of  explosive magmatic gasses be? I am uneducated in Geology and for all I know there are other types of deposits but for a reader like me this is as far as I can get putting the definitions together.

So, despite my lack of success with this poem I felt it was interesting enough to give it a try. I hope my comments help in some way.

Fake ID

The inlier rocks of the thrust faults in Montana

I identify myself to you

I put up confusing isotypes which make it seem like I am dreaming of the question mark

When in actuality I'm giving out information pamphlets regarding the inurned ashes of historic hotels

Inquiries answered daily about the Plaza in New York or the Tremont House of Boston

My indignant answers go unquestioned for ages

Like ignimbrite deposits from once explosive magmatic gasses

They end up itemized like a to do list

I call it my great imbroglio

Distraction unnerves my identity

[3zu]

I have looked at this poem more than once & walked away. Do you think you know why I walked away? Because it ticks me off. If there is something of interest here it might bark but refuses to bite. Being cryptic takes years to learn how to approach and many more years to learn it's use - e.g. "I put up confusing isotypes which make it seem like I am dreaming of the question mark " I know of isotypes but what is this "question mark" you've been dreaming and to what question does it belong to?

I'm not even going near your "inurned ashes of historic hotels" - it stands without reference to anything else in the poem - worse, it gave me three lousy choices - one, to feel stupid, two, to feel confused, three, my time taken advantage of - was that what you were aiming for? Well, bullseye.

"My indignant answers go unquestioned for ages" - and here we are again - what answers to what questions? Don't look at me, you brought it up. Don't itemize your readers, they are not a to do list.

"The inlier rocks of the thrust faults in Montana
I identify myself to you"
- forget the rocks of the thrust faults, identify yourself to us.

"Distraction unnerves my identity" - don't know about your identity but it certainly does your writing no favors -

ellajam said she was "obviously confused" by several points in your poem - I think she was trying to be polite - she was not confused, the poem, however, is-

perhaps you can see to that.

[AndyB]

Hi Weeded,

Thanks for the feedback. This is my first time posting a poem on this site. I guess there is no real setting to this except for the mind of the person narrating the poem. I like your idea that this character is working a 9-5 but feels tied down, but what I was going for was illustrating a person who really has a hard time knowing who they are. Thus the title Fake ID. The poem gives three separate images which are intentionally unrelated in order to convey this feeling. I guess there is no resolution.

Do you have any suggestions as to making this more clear to the reader? Should I give a more concrete plot and resolution?

Fake ID

The inlier rocks of the thrust faults in Montana

I identify myself to you

I put up confusing isotypes which make it seem like I am dreaming of the question mark In a poem with such strong geology references 'isotype' kinda sticks out to me.

When in actuality I'm giving out information pamphlets regarding the inurned ashes of historic hotels Inurned- now there's a word you don't hear everyday. I'm enjoying the assonance though.

Inquiries answered daily about the Plaza in New York or the Tremont House of Boston

My indignant answers go unquestioned for ages

Like ignimbrite deposits from once explosive magmatic gasses

They end up itemized like a to do list

I call it my great imbroglio

Imbroglio.. Great word
Distraction unnerves my identity

The poem is straightforward and the word choice is decent. I'm having a hard time figuring out the setting, as well as the plot resolution. From what I gather this is about a narrator who dreams of volcanoes and mountains but is bogged down by the toils of a 9-5. Close?

---

Hi Ellajam,

Thank you for your feedback. I realize now that this poem is really confusing. That is somewhat intentional, but I should probably rewrite it so it has some meaning to readers.

I wanted to write a poem about a man with trouble as to who he is. He doesn't know himself. The idea was inspired by a John Keats quote, 

" A Poet is the most unpoetical of any thing in existence; because he has no Identity - he is continually in for - and filling some other Body - The Sun, the Moon, the Sea and Men and Women who are creatures of impulse are poetical and have about them an unchangeable attribute - the poet has none; no identity - he is certainly the most unpoetical of all God's Creatures."

I wanted each section to describe a certain image but I think I just made things unreadable. 

In Line 7 I wanted to specifically describe the isotype for hotel information. It's a very confusing image of a stick figure lying in a bed with a question mark in a circle above his head.

I really appreciate your help. I'm going to rewrite this and repost it.

Hi, Andy, welcome to the site. For me, this was like a jigsaw puzzle and some of the pieces have slipped under the couch. I like the title. in the first two lines the lack of punctuation made the incomplete sentence of the first line awkward for me, but if you put a colon or dash  after Montana you'd probably have to continue with punctuation which you seem not to want to do, so I'm unsure of how to resolve this. I'm not sure why Montana matters.

In Line 3 I can't imagine where you're putting them up or what the question mark is about. The specifics about the hotels lead me to think hotel is not a metaphor which leads me to think how do you get away with being indignant about your responses? I am obviously confused.

In line 7 I'm not sure why you need ignimbrite, what else would the deposits of  explosive magmatic gasses be? I am uneducated in Geology and for all I know there are other types of deposits but for a reader like me this is as far as I can get putting the definitions together.

So, despite my lack of success with this poem I felt it was interesting enough to give it a try. I hope my comments help in some way.

Fake ID

The inlier rocks of the thrust faults in Montana

I identify myself to you

I put up confusing isotypes which make it seem like I am dreaming of the question mark

When in actuality I'm giving out information pamphlets regarding the inurned ashes of historic hotels

Inquiries answered daily about the Plaza in New York or the Tremont House of Boston

My indignant answers go unquestioned for ages

Like ignimbrite deposits from once explosive magmatic gasses

They end up itemized like a to do list

I call it my great imbroglio

Distraction unnerves my identity

---

Hi 3zu,

I appreciate your blunt honesty. You're right, it's a confusing poem. I'm going to rewrite it. 

I have looked at this poem more than once & walked away. Do you think you know why I walked away? Because it ticks me off. If there is something of interest here it might bark but refuses to bite. Being cryptic takes years to learn how to approach and many more years to learn it's use - e.g. "I put up confusing isotypes which make it seem like I am dreaming of the question mark " I know of isotypes but what is this "question mark" you've been dreaming and to what question does it belong to?  

I'm not even going near your "inurned ashes of historic hotels" - it stands without reference to anything else in the poem - worse, it gave me three lousy choices - one, to feel stupid, two, to feel confused, three, my time taken advantage of - was that what you were aiming for? Well, bullseye.

"My indignant answers go unquestioned for ages" - and here we are again - what answers to what questions? Don't look at me, you brought it up. Don't itemize your readers, they are not a to do list.

"The inlier rocks of the thrust faults in Montana
I identify myself to you"
- forget the rocks of the thrust faults, identify yourself to us.

"Distraction unnerves my identity" - don't know about your identity but it certainly does your writing no favors -

ellajam said she was "obviously confused" by several points in your poem - I think she was trying to be polite - she was not confused, the poem, however, is-

perhaps you can see to that.