A Son of God? Edit 1.0003 erthona, billy,leah,71deg

[tectak]

A call, a cry, a father’s name; a hundred heads turn round.
No John, or David, Pete or Mat will bring the born Mohammeds down.
Though saints infest the West, the East protects the sneaking thief
that steals her sons from thoughtful life,
named in good faith to limit strife...
all synonyms for grief.

A century, millennium; time  bombed by history.
The curse of being son of man eats hearts and souls; a mystery
made secret by your place of birth. Unsure of what life means,
the young treat death as blessed demise
to trade for early paradise
and everlasting dreams.

Love when you can for gods are strange, and do not love you back.
Why else do mortals fight their fights, in holy lands, in black Iraq,
in sunlit places, made for peace? They kill us with commands
to maim, to glorify a Faith.
Oh, how we run the final race
right into hell’s hands.

tectak
2014 and onwards

[vagabond]

A call, a cry, a father’s name; a million heads turn round.         
No John, or David, Pete or Mat will bring Mohammed down.         o.k, it´s about islam ... 
Saints infest the west but east is where the sneaking thief                 .. no it is about every religion, is it?           
steals the sons from precious life;                          
named in good faith to limit strife,              talking about reincarnation beliefs here or  the ever-paralyzing paradise hope?
all synonyms for grief.

A century, millennium; time all but bombed by history.
The curse of being son of man eats hearts and souls; a mystery
made secret by your place of birth, unsure of what life means,                    born into your religion? the best proof that no religion can be right
the young treat death as blessed demise            
to trade for early paradise;
and everlasting dreams.

Love when you can for gods are strange, and do not love you back.          
Why else do mortals fight their fights, in holy lands, in black Iraq,           for money, for resources, for strategic issues? for defense?
in sunlit places, made for peace? They kill us with commands              
to maim, to glorify your lord.                yes, what is considered gloryfying god does too often maim the idea of him, if that´s the contradiction you wanted to expose you pointed it out most sharply.            
Oh how we play on things absurd
right into hell’s hands.                    what i wonder is if no one ever had invented a god, wouldn´t the history of mankind play into "hell"´s hands in a very similar way                       




Tectak being politically incorrect. Should I be bothered?                
2014 and onwards

Hi Tektak!
this caught me at once for its language and topic. sadly i don´t think i get the whole meaning which is surely not a problem within the poem.
you may excuse me for trying some interpretations, there is no useful critic i could offer, at least at the moment.
greetings,
christine

[tectak]

A call, a cry, a father’s name; a million heads turn round.         
No John, or David, Pete or Mat will bring Mohammed down.         o.k, it´s about islam ...  No
Saints infest the west but east is where the sneaking thief                 .. no it is about every religion, is it?           Yes
steals the sons from precious life;                          
named in good faith to limit strife,              talking about reincarnation beliefs here or  the ever-paralyzing paradise hope?No. We name our sons with respect for our god, apostles or prophets, in hope of favour. No fuckin chance. You die if your head is removed from your body with a machete or a bomb...names witheld. Just call me Walter and weep.
all synonyms for grief.
A century, millennium; time all but bombed by history.
The curse of being son of man eats hearts and souls; a mystery
made secret by your place of birth, unsure of what life means,                    born into your religion? the best proof that no religion can be right yesish
the young treat death as blessed demise            
to trade for early paradise;
and everlasting dreams.
Love when you can for gods are strange, and do not love you back.          
Why else do mortals fight their fights, in holy lands, in black Iraq,           for money, for resources, for strategic issues? for defense? No. These are not godly reasons but they sure con us all in to war.
in sunlit places, made for peace? They kill us with commands              
to maim, to glorify your lord.                yes, what is considered gloryfying god does too often maim the idea of him, if that´s the contradiction you wanted to expose you pointed it out most sharply.          yes  
Oh how we play on things absurd
right into hell’s hands.                    what i wonder is if no one ever had invented a god, wouldn´t the history of mankind play into "hell"´s hands in a very similar way     Subtle point missed. No heaven, no hell.                  
Tectak being politically incorrect. Should I be bothered?                
2014 and onwards

Hi Tektak!
this caught me at once for its language and topic. sadly i don´t think i get the whole meaning which is surely not a problem within the poem.
you may excuse me for trying some interpretations, there is no useful critic i could offer, at least at the moment.
greetings,
christine

.....but you did indicate that meaning is divisible and like an atom can be split. To understand partly is infinitely better than not understanding at all....and I thank you for your interpretation thus far. You may need to listen to Peter Hitchins for your
opinion, if not your understanding, to be complete....but in the meantime, yes, it is a humanist's  cry against all shy gods...who whisper but never shout out, never manifest themselves in clear omnipotence, move no mountains, stop no wars, bring no water to the thirsty, let starve the innocent, and watch the infected die.....sometimes one could believe that god did not exist.
Now are you any wiser or just better informed?
Thanks for your comments.
Best,
tectak

[billy]

it's starts off making me think it's a religeous poem, then it becomes apparent it's anti religion. no constructive crit, i struggle with poems that have a religious aspect to them. in this one it's the last line which for me doesn't work. it feels like it's another voice and not the person telling the poem. some good sonics at work with the [est's], [ack's] and the [P's] as well as more of the same elsewhere. i do like the contrasting of various religions and how they're shown to be alike in more ways than one. it could lose an odd word in places:[the] on L5, and the last line.  i enjoyed the read for all but the last line which feels too easy for a finish. is it okay to not believe in gods yet be scared of hell?

A call, a cry, a father’s name; a million heads turn round.
No John, or David, Pete or Mat will bring Mohammed down.
Saints infest the west but east is where the sneaking thief
steals the sons from precious life;
named in good faith to limit strife,
all synonyms for grief.

A century, millennium; time all but bombed by history.
The curse of being son of man eats hearts and souls; a mystery
made secret by your place of birth, unsure of what life means,
the young treat death as blessed demise
to trade for early paradise;
and everlasting dreams.

Love when you can for gods are strange, and do not love you back.
Why else do mortals fight their fights, in holy lands, in black Iraq,
in sunlit places, made for peace? They kill us with commands
to maim, to glorify a Lord.
Oh how we play on things absurd
right into hell’s hands.

Tectak being politically incorrect. Should I be bothered?
2014 and onwards

[tectak]

it's starts off making me think it's a religeous poem, then it becomes apparent it's anti religion. no constructive crit, i struggle with poems that have a religious aspect to them. in this one it's the last line which for me doesn't work. it feels like it's another voice and not the person telling the poem. some good sonics at work with the [est's], [ack's] and the [P's] as well as more of the same elsewhere. i do like the contrasting of various religions and how they're shown to be alike in more ways than one. it could lose an odd word in places:[the] on L5, and the last line.  i enjoyed the read for all but the last line which feels too easy for a finish. is it okay to not believe in gods yet be scared of hell?

A call, a cry, a father’s name; a million heads turn round.
No John, or David, Pete or Mat will bring Mohammed down.
Saints infest the west but east is where the sneaking thief
steals the sons from precious life;
named in good faith to limit strife,
all synonyms for grief.

A century, millennium; time all but bombed by history.
The curse of being son of man eats hearts and souls; a mystery
made secret by your place of birth, unsure of what life means,
the young treat death as blessed demise
to trade for early paradise;
and everlasting dreams.

Love when you can for gods are strange, and do not love you back.
Why else do mortals fight their fights, in holy lands, in black Iraq,
in sunlit places, made for peace? They kill us with commands
to maim, to glorify a Lord.
Oh how we play on things absurd
right into hell’s hands.

Tectak being politically incorrect. Should I be bothered?
2014 and onwards

Thanks as always, billy.
I couldn't find the "the" on line 5 so cannot remove it. Is it me?
AABCCB rhyme scheme is one I have used before, on the same subject, but I cannot find the bugger. I have searched this site and others but I guess it is lost. My own filing system is a mess.

The last line and the line before are making the universal "absurd" point. See my comment in the crit above. It was supposed to be a subtle way of condemning belief systems by "playing on things absurd" like heaven and hell, and  how our belief in neither is often negated in our own arguments to make that point. This was after reading Peter Hitchins. The last line could be his ( it isn't, though) so I concede your point.
It must be hell to believe in heaven.
Best,
tectak

[billy]

sorry, i meant the 4th line oops

[vagabond]

right into hell’s hands.                    what i wonder is if no one ever had invented a god, wouldn´t the history of mankind play into "hell"´s hands in a very similar way     Subtle point missed. No heaven, no hell.      

-  i don´t believe in hell or heaven either, only in humanity´s idea of it which can manifest in the way we form our societies and our environment. Which is why i put "hell" in quotation marks.

[/quote].....but you did indicate that meaning is divisible and like an atom can be split.
- sometimes with quite unforseeable consequences, but that may be only interesting rather than harmful.

... yes, it is a humanist's  cry against all shy gods...who whisper but never shout out, never manifest themselves in clear omnipotence, move no mountains, stop no wars, bring no water to the thirsty, let starve the innocent, and watch the infected die.....sometimes one could believe that god did not exist.  
- true, why accuse god when we should accuse ourselves?

Now are you any wiser or just better informed?
-  a little better informed (strange word in that context but enlightened would be too much) thanx for commenting on my interpretations.

[/quote]

greet you,
christine

[tectak]

right into hell’s hands.                    what i wonder is if no one ever had invented a god, wouldn´t the history of mankind play into "hell"´s hands in a very similar way     Subtle point missed. No heaven, no hell.      

-  i don´t believe in hell or heaven either, only in humanity´s idea of it which can manifest in the way we form our societies and our environment. Which is why i put "hell" in quotation marks.

.....but you did indicate that meaning is divisible and like an atom can be split.
- sometimes with quite unforseeable consequences, but that may be only interesting rather than harmful.

... yes, it is a humanist's  cry against all shy gods...who whisper but never shout out, never manifest themselves in clear omnipotence, move no mountains, stop no wars, bring no water to the thirsty, let starve the innocent, and watch the infected die.....sometimes one could believe that god did not exist.  
- true, why accuse god when we should accuse ourselves? I don't. I think that this says so. I am not a believer...but you ask two questions. It is not my fault, either.

Now are you any wiser or just better informed?
-  a little better informed (strange word in that context but enlightened would be too much) thanx for commenting on my interpretations.

[/quote]

greet you,
christine
[/quote]

[vagabond]

right into hell’s hands.                    what i wonder is if no one ever had invented a god, wouldn´t the history of mankind play into "hell"´s hands in a very similar way     Subtle point missed. No heaven, no hell.      

-  i don´t believe in hell or heaven either, only in humanity´s idea of it which can manifest in the way we form our societies and our environment. Which is why i put "hell" in quotation marks.

.....but you did indicate that meaning is divisible and like an atom can be split.
- sometimes with quite unforseeable consequences, but that may be only interesting rather than harmful.

... yes, it is a humanist's  cry against all shy gods...who whisper but never shout out, never manifest themselves in clear omnipotence, move no mountains, stop no wars, bring no water to the thirsty, let starve the innocent, and watch the infected die.....sometimes one could believe that god did not exist.  
- true, why accuse god when we should accuse ourselves? I don't. I think that this says so. I am not a believer...but you ask two questions. It is not my fault, either.

Now are you any wiser or just better informed?
-  a little better informed (strange word in that context but enlightened would be too much) thanx for commenting on my interpretations.

greet you,
christine
[/quote]
[/quote]

didn´t get the irony, sorry

[tectak]

.....but you did indicate that meaning is divisible and like an atom can be split.
- sometimes with quite unforseeable consequences, but that may be only interesting rather than harmful.

... yes, it is a humanist's  cry against all shy gods...who whisper but never shout out, never manifest themselves in clear omnipotence, move no mountains, stop no wars, bring no water to the thirsty, let starve the innocent, and watch the infected die.....sometimes one could believe that god did not exist.  
- true, why accuse god when we should accuse ourselves? I don't. I think that this says so. I am not a believer...but you ask two questions. It is not my fault, either.

Now are you any wiser or just better informed?
-  a little better informed (strange word in that context but enlightened would be too much) thanx for commenting on my interpretations.

greet you,
christine

[/quote]

didn´t get the irony, sorry
[/quote]

That's the joy of irony...if you don't get it it's the writer's fault...ironic, huh?
Best,
tectak

[QDeathstar]

I always hate trying to critique tectak, his cryptic replies leave me feeling unsure of myself.

A call, a cry, a father’s name; a million heads turn round.
No John, or David, Pete or Mat will bring Mohammed down. I am not versed in religion too much, but I believe these are deciples of Christ that denied him and tuned him over to the Romans, so this is a about snitches and the lack thereof in Islam
Though saints infest the west the east protects its sneaking thief;i would suppose the sneaking thief is the multitude of terrorist organizations rampant within the Muslim culture. Im thinking your saying that the western religious leaders are looked up to for doing good things while eastern religious leaders are much more destructive, from your point of view
steals thinking sons from thoughtful life, recrutment and radicalization
named in good faith to limit strife...
all synonyms for grief. these last two lines are more mysterious to me, assuming Ive read the previous parts of the poem right, though if I had to guess I'd say the last line is anti religion in general...
A century, millennium; time all but bombed by history. a reference to the history of conflict in the middle east
The curse of being son of man eats hearts and souls; a mystery
made secret by your place of birth, unsure of what life means,
the young treat death as blessed demise
to trade for early paradise;
and everlasting dreams.
Love when you can for gods are strange, and do not love you back.
Why else do mortals fight their fights, in holy lands, in black Iraq,
in sunlit places, made for peace? They kill us with commands
to maim, to glorify a Lord.
Oh how we play on things absurd
right into hell’s hands.
while the first stanza seems to correlate a lot with the current events in the Middle East and the radicalization of terrorists, the second half of the poem seems to take a step back, offering a more general distaste of religion in general...
Tectak being politically incorrect. Should I be bothered?
2014 and onwards

[tectak]

I always hate trying to critique tectak, his cryptic replies leave me feeling unsure of myself.

A call, a cry, a father’s name; a million heads turn round.
No John, or David, Pete or Mat will bring Mohammed down. I am not versed in religion too much, but I believe these are deciples of Christ that denied him and tuned him over to the Romans, so this is a about snitches and the lack thereof in Islam
Though saints infest the west the east protects its sneaking thief;i would suppose the sneaking thief is the multitude of terrorist organizations rampant within the Muslim culture. Im thinking your saying that the western religious leaders are looked up to for doing good things while eastern religious leaders are much more destructive, from your point of view
steals thinking sons from thoughtful life, recrutment and radicalization
named in good faith to limit strife...
all synonyms for grief. these last two lines are more mysterious to me, assuming Ive read the previous parts of the poem right, though if I had to guess I'd say the last line is anti religion in general...
A century, millennium; time all but bombed by history. a reference to the history of conflict in the middle east
The curse of being son of man eats hearts and souls; a mystery
made secret by your place of birth, unsure of what life means,
the young treat death as blessed demise
to trade for early paradise;
and everlasting dreams.
Love when you can for gods are strange, and do not love you back.
Why else do mortals fight their fights, in holy lands, in black Iraq,
in sunlit places, made for peace? They kill us with commands
to maim, to glorify a Lord.
Oh how we play on things absurd
right into hell’s hands.
while the first stanza seems to correlate a lot with the current events in the Middle East and the radicalization of terrorists, the second half of the poem seems to take a step back, offering a more general distaste of religion in general...
Tectak being politically incorrect. Should I be bothered?
2014 and onwards

Hi q,
I hope that after this you don't feel intimidated...that is certainly not what I need. What I need is critique of the stuff I post.
I eat all crit. In this instance you have  "interpreted" the piece rather than commented on the merit or otherwise of the poetic endeavour....so I can only respond likewise.
Christians are as god fearing as any other religious sect.We name our sons after saints. Mathew, Mark, Luke, John, Peter, etc....an infestation of saints. We even keep making them up. Saint Sebastion, Saint Francis etc. In Islam, Mohammed (variously spelled) is hugely used to name sons as a deferential "hedge" against god awful retribution. If you shout Mohammed in  a  Mosque, every male say "What?" There, that's the first comparison. Crazy people breed crazy people....muslim or christian, makes no difference....and it is the extremists in all religious camps that cause the problem. Currently and noticeably we happen to have Islam occupying pole position. It could be any old religion. Christians had their turn, too. Crazies steal the minds of good sons and make them believe all kinds of baloney. In time, good sense returns but we may need to blow ourselves up a few times just to prove that god ain't always on our side....or even there. That's just the way it is....we are all faulty units. Whichever camp we fall in to is largely determined by the womb-pop. We have no choice in the matter. Fortunately, if you believe it, in the west you will find it possible to change your own mind about what you do or don't believe without getting yourself seperated from your head or being locked up. It wasn't always so....but societies grow up faster when they are not deprived, distraught, war-torn, disease-ravaged, starving, thirsty or religious.
That is all.
Best,
tectak
Was the punctuation good for you?

[QDeathstar]

well then, to attempt a critique..

A call, a cry, a father’s name; a million heads turn round. I don't think this opening line is a very interesting line, to be honest. the first part especially with all the pauses chops it up for me
No John, or David, Pete or Mat will bring Mohammed down. I decided to keep reading after this line' I think it could be the opening if it were reworked a bit
Though saints infest the west the east protects its sneaking thief; saints infest the west was baffling to me, especially since I don't associate saints with anything negative, even if you disregard the religious connotation...
steals thinking sons from thoughtful life,
named in good faith to limit strife...
all synonyms for grief.

A century, millennium; time all but bombed by history.
The curse of being son of man eats hearts and souls; a mystery
made secret by your place of birth, unsure of what life means,
the young treat death as blessed demise
to trade for early paradise;
and everlasting dreams.

Love when you can for gods are strange, and do not love you back.
Why else do mortals fight their fights, in holy lands, in black Iraq,
in sunlit places, made for peace? They kill us with commands
to maim, to glorify a Lord. i think that this line is awkward.. they kill us... to glorify a lord, makes it sound like the Lord isn't "they" but I'm pretty sure within the context of the poem it is.
Oh how we play on things absurd
right into hell’s hands.

Tectak being politically incorrect. Should I be bothered?
2014 and onwards

[tectak]

well then, to attempt a critique..

A call, a cry, a father’s name; a million heads turn round.  I don't think this opening line is a very interesting line, to be honest. the first part especially with all the pauses chops it up for me
No John, or David, Pete or Mat will bring Mohammed down.  I decided to keep reading after this line' I think it could be the opening if it were reworked a bit
Though saints infest the west the east protects its sneaking thief; saints infest the west was baffling to me, especially since I don't associate saints with anything negative, even if you disregard the religious connotation...
steals thinking sons from thoughtful life,
named in good faith to limit strife...
all synonyms for grief.

A century, millennium; time all but bombed by history.
The curse of being son of man eats hearts and souls; a mystery
made secret by your place of birth, unsure of what life means,
the young treat death as blessed demise
to trade for early paradise;
and everlasting dreams.

Love when you can for gods are strange, and do not love you back.
Why else do mortals fight their fights, in holy lands, in black Iraq,
in sunlit places, made for peace? They kill us with commands
to maim, to glorify a Lord. i think that this line is awkward.. they kill us... to glorify a lord, makes it sound like the Lord isn't "they" but I'm pretty sure within the context of the poem it is.
Oh how we play on things absurd
right into hell’s hands.

Tectak being politically incorrect. Should I be bothered?
2014 and onwards

Yes,q. I will edit L1 and L2by swap.
See how it looks.
Best,
tectak

[tectak]

The "poem" is a very good try but the overall fengshui is too slimpistic.

If we refer to Leviticus 19 'The Lord also said to Moses, 20 “This is the offering Aaron and his sons are to bring to the Lord on the day he is anointed'

This replicates your point in your line 'to trade for early paradise;'

However your ''poem'' doesn't work as your execution wasn't tactfully justified in the equeefitable demeanour.

You are welcome.
Professor McGonigle.
Fratus tuus in Christo,
Servus,

ps (post sciprt if youdidn't know) feel free to email me for aid.

Funk you for you're illucidatien...I shall bear it in rind. I am sorry my equeefitable manners do not exibite sufficiont demeanour but wit can one do?
Breast,
tucktack

Now consider what you want to say, without quotations from Billy's Weekly Liar, and respond in something approaching english. 3/10 Mod.

[jtrom1010]

A call, a cry, a father’s name; a million heads turn round.
No John, or David, Pete or Mat will bring Mohammed down.
Though saints infest the west the east protects its sneaking thief;
steals thinking sons from thoughtful life,
named in good faith to limit strife... [I enjoyed these first few lines, but you definitely approached it in a more abstract way, that is a stylistic choice but I found myself asking for more details]
all synonyms for grief. [LOVE this final line, nice way to pointedly wrap up the whole concept]

A century, millennium; time all but bombed by history.
The curse of being son of man eats hearts and souls; a mystery
made secret by your place of birth, unsure of what life means,
the young treat death as blessed demise
to trade for early paradise;
and everlasting dreams. [this section creates nice contrast with the first section, the imagery is very nice here, and I feel like your concept is starting to take shape a little more clearly. Not a lot I would do with this]

Love when you can for gods are strange, and do not love you back.
Why else do mortals fight their fights, in holy lands, in black Iraq,
in sunlit places, made for peace? They kill us with commands
to maim, to glorify a Lord.
Oh how we play on things absurd
right into hell’s hands. [again, these are stylistic choices but I feel like this is the one place in the poem where your concept becomes more pointed, but I feel like your imagery and word choice started suffering more here. I'm still finding myself asking for more depth to the subjects in this area, but a great way to tie it up conceptually]

[Leah S.]

I really like it. It's a little obscure in places though. I get the meaning from your syntax that the east IS the sneaking thief who steals the ability to think away from sons who should be thoughtful? If not, and you do mean something more concrete, then the poem needs to personify this thief. What about..."the east acts like a sneaking thief" with a colon?
I love, no, LOVE!, the scansion crash at the end.

---

The "poem" is a very good try but the overall fengshui is too slimpistic.

If we refer to Leviticus 19 'The Lord also said to Moses, 20 “This is the offering Aaron and his sons are to bring to the Lord on the day he is anointed'

This replicates your point in your line 'to trade for early paradise;'

However your ''poem'' doesn't work as your execution wasn't tactfully justified in the equeefitable demeanour.

You are welcome.
Professor McGonigle.
Fratus tuus in Christo,
Servus,

ps (post sciprt if youdidn't know) feel free to email me for aid.

Funk you for you're illucidatien...I shall bear it in rind. I am sorry my equeefitable manners do not exibite sufficiont demeanour but wit can one do?
Breast,
tucktack

Now consider what you want to say, without quotations from Billy's Weekly Liar, and respond in something approaching english. 3/10 Mod.

I'm putting "Slimptistic" on a T-shirt.

[tectak]

I really like it. It's a little obscure in places though. I get the meaning from your syntax that the east IS the sneaking thief who steals the ability to think away from sons who should be thoughtful? If not, and you do mean something more concrete, then the poem needs to personify this thief. What about..."the east acts like a sneaking thief" with a colon?
I love, no, LOVE!, the scansion crash at the end.

---

The "poem" is a very good try but the overall fengshui is too slimpistic.

If we refer to Leviticus 19 'The Lord also said to Moses, 20 “This is the offering Aaron and his sons are to bring to the Lord on the day he is anointed'

This replicates your point in your line 'to trade for early paradise;'

However your ''poem'' doesn't work as your execution wasn't tactfully justified in the equeefitable demeanour.

You are welcome.
Professor McGonigle.
Fratus tuus in Christo,
Servus,

ps (post sciprt if youdidn't know) feel free to email me for aid.

Funk you for you're illucidatien...I shall bear it in rind. I am sorry my equeefitable manners do not exibite sufficiont demeanour but wit can one do?
Breast,
tucktack

Now consider what you want to say, without quotations from Billy's Weekly Liar, and respond in something approaching english. 3/10 Mod.

I'm putting "Slimptistic" on a T-shirt.

Hi leah still heah.
No. It does not say the east IS the thief. It says the east PROTECTS its thief....the thief is religion.
Thanks for your input. Always appreciated...I eat all crit.
Best,
tectak

[Leah S.]

I really like it. It's a little obscure in places though. I get the meaning from your syntax that the east IS the sneaking thief who steals the ability to think away from sons who should be thoughtful? If not, and you do mean something more concrete, then the poem needs to personify this thief. What about..."the east acts like a sneaking thief" with a colon?
I love, no, LOVE!, the scansion crash at the end.

---

Funk you for you're illucidatien...I shall bear it in rind. I am sorry my equeefitable manners do not exibite sufficiont demeanour but wit can one do?
Breast,
tucktack

Now consider what you want to say, without quotations from Billy's Weekly Liar, and respond in something approaching english. 3/10 Mod.

I'm putting "Slimptistic" on a T-shirt.

Hi leah still heah.
No. It does not say the east IS the thief. It says the east PROTECTS its thief....the thief is religion.
Thanks for your input. Always appreciated...I eat all crit.
Best,
tectak

I get that. But I didn't learn that the thief is religion from the poem, you had to tell me.

[tectak]

I really like it. It's a little obscure in places though. I get the meaning from your syntax that the east IS the sneaking thief who steals the ability to think away from sons who should be thoughtful? If not, and you do mean something more concrete, then the poem needs to personify this thief. What about..."the east acts like a sneaking thief" with a colon?
I love, no, LOVE!, the scansion crash at the end.

---

I'm putting "Slimptistic" on a T-shirt.

Hi leah still heah.
No. It does not say the east IS the thief. It says the east PROTECTS its thief....the thief is religion.
Thanks for your input. Always appreciated...I eat all crit.
Best,
tectak

I get that. But I didn't learn that the thief is religion from the poem, you had to tell me.

Here are some clues, in order
Mohammed, saints, faith,blessed, paradise,everlasting, love, gods, holy, glorify, lords, hell....yep, sounds like religion to me!
Best,
tectak