A Yank goes to Britain

[Erthona]

A Yank goes to Britain
 
In an aesthetic not a sexual way
she was perfect, inviolate
—I had dreamed of her my entire life —
she was enfolded by a deep clover
hunter green blanket.
I stood over her and to my surprise
her mouth popped open,
and out sprang a brilliant crimson poppy.
A few seconds latter, out came another,
then another, and another…
A flowing carpet of pulsing scarlet poppies
quickly replaced the green clover blanket.
All I could see of her was her
blazing sapphire blue eyes.
When had they opened I wondered.
She was staring straight at me.
I could not look back.
To look back made me feel ashamed,
ashamed of only passing assumptions
of what my relationship with her could be.
She was only a small corporeal representation
of her entirety, the mistress of Albion.
I tried to pick up a poppy as a consolation prize,
I ached within my soul to possess one,
as part of her, 
but a force resisted me.
For me, such an act was unnatural,
and so I left
empty handed.
 
 
–Erthona
 
 
©2014

[tectak]

A Yank goes to Britain
 
In an aesthetic not a sexual way
she was perfect, inviolate
—I had dreamed of her my entire life —You are not dead yet. Prefer "I dreamt of her throughout my life"...or yankee dreamed
she was enfolded by a deep clover
hunter green blanket. Nicely put but over modified green.
I stood over her and to my surprise
her mouth popped open,
and out sprang a brilliant crimson poppy.
A few seconds latter, out came another,later
then another, and another… Great stuff
A flowing carpet of pulsing scarlet poppies
quickly replaced the green clover blanket. Could you avoid the repeat? It is a rich metaphor.
All I could see of her was her "of her was her" is clunky. "All I could see was her blazing blue sapphire eyes" but still OTT
blazing sapphire blue eyes.
When had they opened I wondered. Needs some perfunctory punctuation
She was staring straight at me.
I could not look back. Ah, the old ones are the best. I watched him move imperceptibly....
To look back made me feel ashamed,semicolon. See next comment
ashamed of only passing assumptions
of what my relationship with her could be."and what my relationship..." otherwise you have "nested" of's. This makes it unclear regarding the extent of your shame...one shame or two? I count two. First, passing assumptions. Second, ashamed of the imagined relationship... but you MEAN that though ashamed of your imagined relationship you mitigate the thought by the excuse that it is only a passing surmise. That is a complex complex you have there.
She was only a small corporeal representationYou are hooked on "only"
of her entirety, the mistress of Albion. VG
I tried to pick up a poppy as a consolation prize,
I ached within my soul to possess one,
as part of her, 
but a force resisted me.
For me, such an act was unnatural, ...and that stopped you
and so I left
empty handed.
 
 
–Erthona
 
 
©2014

I hope you walk among us....is it but a dream?
Love it. Topical yet  new.
Best,
tectak

[Erthona]

Tom,

Yes to all of the editing. I did go over it several times, but not to the extent I normally would, but felt I should put it out quickly as it was somewhat topical in nature, or at least rode upon that metaphor.

I will go have a better look at what you have outputted latter in the day when I have a bit more of my brain intact.

Dale