Regional Gala
I stood skull caped on the blocks,
like a before and after shot,
the afters were huge Wigan wasps,
and known to win at any cost.
Although I’d made the final five,
supporters gave my quite a ride,
even the bus-full of so called friends,
had already guessed how it would end.
In lane three, he said my name,
hearing the laughter start again,
I focused on the chlorine calm,
the ropes and floats my lucky charms.
The gun goes off and I explode,
entered the water like a toad,
lying behind the orca pack,
six kicks in and I’m at the back.
I’m really skinny but I've got big hips
and it’s hard to find Speedo’s that fit,
so as I thrashed through air and water,
my trunks slipped down in the first quarter.
At this point though I still had a choice,
I should have listened to my inner voice,
I’ll give you a tip, please do not try,
to swim bare arsed doing the Butterfly.
Imagine that crowd and what joy they took,
watching white cheeks go down then up,
I finished third but I’m sure no one cared,
they couldn't stop laughing at what had occurred.
