Lull

[crow]

Lull

The wolverine slept as the moon curdled,
and the pineapple closed its eyes and dreamt a
Minotaur, in sorrow and joy, sending
a marble down a flat plane. The world
simmers with a haunted feeling that whorled
around some painted antler is an end
with our beginning pinned within it,
panting helplessly, matched, and on Forty-Forth

and Main, I feel a light, banana-yellow,
warm, oily, and sweet. At six, the bell goes
rich, deep, patient. It can wait,
whatever's next again, and straightness,
I'll pretend, has no curl. Let's watch the day
end and think, say, the sun will never come up again.

[Erthona]

L1 I'm not sure how a moon curdles, but then I'm not at all sure what the rest of this is supposed to mean.


Best,


dale

[kindofahippy]

Lull

The wolverine slept as the moon curdled,
and the pineapple closed its eyes and dreamt a
Minotaur, in sorrow and joy, sending
a marble down a flat plane. The world
simmers with a haunted feeling that whorled
around some painted antler is an end
with our beginning pinned within it,
panting helplessly, matched, and on Forty-Forth

and Main, I feel a light, banana-yellow,
warm, oily, and sweet. At six, the bell goes
rich, deep, patient. It can wait,
whatever's next again, and straightness,
I'll pretend, has no curl. Let's watch the day
end and think, say, the sun will never come up again.

People are responsbible for so much damage to the natural world. Folks just toss old plastic water bottles on the ground without thinking, which causes wolverine indigestion. Next thing you know, the genetically modified harvest is trying to bring down our way of life. Progress slows down to a marble on a flat plane, and the corporate Minotaurs take control of everything, leaving the populace below in fits of emotional trauma. Rush hour traffic creeps around pretzel interchanges like bugs on a painted antler, where eventually it will reach an end with the beggining when you can't even drive any more which would kind of shut down infrastructure and unless we have flying cars in the next twenty years or so we go back to horse and buggy on the eight lane highways where a route has been plowed through the mass of stuck and long dead cars. The panic and nightmare of the day still haunts the protaganist, who got out of his Audi when the news came over the radio that he couldn't even hope to get out of the metro area for ten hours, a record low for the week, so he took a taxi but that was no good, and it turned out he was too out of shape to walk, so he only managed to escape the mobs and havoc with a segway and a prayer.

Line 8, "Forty-Fourth"[/b]

[Stephanie]

I will admit to being a bit lost as to what your poem was about. I will write my reaction in a bit more detail below.


The wolverine slept as the moon curdled, - this set a woodland/fairytale sort of scene for me
and the pineapple closed its eyes and dreamt a - the jump to the pineapple surprised me, my brain was then looking for a connection but I couldn't see it.
Minotaur, in sorrow and joy, sending - back to myth type stuff with Minotaur, I am now trying to find a connection between the three things.
a marble down a flat plane. The world - I do not know what the marble represents.
simmers with a haunted feeling that whorled - The World/whorled rhyme I wasn't sure about
around some painted antler is an end
with our beginning pinned within it,
panting helplessly, matched, and on Forty-Forth

and Main, I feel a light, banana-yellow,
warm, oily, and sweet. At six, the bell goes
rich, deep, patient. It can wait,
whatever's next again, and straightness,
I'll pretend, has no curl. Let's watch the day - this made me think of regulation size banana's bit I wasn't clear if this was what you were going for.
end and think, say, the sun will never come up again.

I read it through a few times but I couldn't make sense of it. That might be me of course and I also have a tendency to write stuff that is as clear as mud so this is pot kettle black!!

[crow]

Yeah, I shouldn't have put this up. Second poem in a row I've had to cop to. Just, breaking the rules here some with an author's explanation (with the caveat that this poem's dead to me in its current form), the wolverine and the pineapple are classically hard to deal with, as is the Minotaur's labyrinth, as contrasted w the banana. I'm explaining only bc I, myself, like to see riddles solved, even if the solution makes me say, "wow, that was stupid."

---

Stephanie--good read! certainly your read was more excellent than my poem. well met.

[RSaba]

Lull

The wolverine slept as the moon curdled,
and the pineapple closed its eyes and dreamt a maybe move the "a" to the next line, could flow better. Love this beginning by the way
Minotaur, in sorrow and joy, sending
a marble down a flat plane. The world "a marble down a flat plane" love that.
simmers with a haunted feeling that whorled
around some painted antler is an end
with our beginning pinned within it, fantastic line, love how that vowel sound flows through it
panting helplessly, matched, and on Forty-Forth correction: Forty-Fourth

and Main, I feel a light, banana-yellow, I really like how you're using different senses to describe things- ex. using "feel" to describe the light
warm, oily, and sweet. At six, the bell goes
rich, deep, patient. It can wait,
whatever's next again, and straightness,
I'll pretend, has no curl. Let's watch the day
end and think, say, the sun will never come up again.really great last line

All in all, I really enjoyed this! Weird and beautiful imagery. Not so sure about the sudden stanza break, but I do think it needs one somewhere- maybe after "It can wait," ?

Once again, beautiful.

[Namyh]

crow - I think you have some good visuals here which I enjoyed. However the direction they point to or support eludes me. Perhaps a focused goal is what's needed to justify and clarify their presence. There is indeed good potential here. Namyh

[Gestalt222]

The poem flows effortlessly and the imagery is pleasant but the connects between each concept is completely lost on me after several reads. Perhaps more clues would make the poem stronger.

[tomoffing]

I'm similarly confused overall on your meaning here, but you have some great visuals.

A question; is the "curdled moon" a full or visible moon being partially obscured by passing cloud??
That's what I've seen anyway, and love it.

Lull

The wolverine slept as the moon curdled,
and the pineapple closed its eyes and dreamt a
Minotaur, in sorrow and joy, sending
a marble down a flat plane. The world
simmers with a haunted feeling that whorled
around some painted antler is an end
with our beginning pinned within it,
panting helplessly, matched, and on Forty-Forth

and Main, I feel a light, banana-yellow,
warm, oily, and sweet. At six, the bell goes
rich, deep, patient. It can wait,
whatever's next again, and straightness,
I'll pretend, has no curl. Let's watch the day
end and think, say, the sun will never come up again.

[crow]

The moon is made of cheese

[tectak]

The moon is made of cheese

This is one of the finest and most lucid replies to an inquisitorial crit I have ever read...
Best,
tectak