Transposon*

[Erthona]

.

Did we from a virus or God come?
is God a virus of simple chance,
come early to our little dance,
a party crasher of good luck,
in a singularity, we’re not stuck?
Man, would that really suck!

Are we a fingerprint miniscule?
A hangnail fallen from the maker,
Flake of skin from the baker?
Or is it only our loafs conceit,
because of infinite inherit frailty,
we think ourselves more than wheat?

No more upon canvas than a flick,
of paint on landscape so sublime,
a single vibration in a chime,
one airy molecule in God’s chant?
Then how mundane our great thoughts,
how pitiful our angry rants?

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*Bits of DNA that can travel freely about the genome. Can create mutations before and after conception, even until death. Probably responsible for the uniqueness in every person: good and bad.

[ChristopherSea]

Dale,

I think that I see where you are trying to go with this poem and its tie into the title, but you may need further development to pull it off. I like the idea of Transposons or Transportable elements (TEs) being interpreted as a signature or brand of god for a poem, even if delivered through a viral vector. Who made the virus, right? There are some nit-wits that think it came from Aliens. They more than likely represent a gene left behind by a virus long gone. HIV has an integrase gene that has similar enzyme product. However, integrase allows for the entire HIV genome to be incorporated. Moreover, it can dis-integrate to yield new virus. This is why HIV is so nasty and incurable to date with the intriguing exception of the 'Berlin Patient'.

It’s an intriguing theory that mutations induced by TEs are responsible for human evolution and diversity. TEs do comprise a large percentage of our genome with no apparent purpose, as they code for genes that only benefit their own replication. This has given them the shady monikers of selfish or junk DNA. Nonetheless, they can induce recombination. Keep in mind that the majority of the mutations they induce are deleterious to life. They are usually responsible for disease states and syndromes: cancer, hemophilia, etc. Most of their mutational manifestations are seen in pigmentation genes, where mutations are less likely to be harmful to the host. They did give us white grapes and that psychedelic Indian corn that we hang on our front doors for Halloween!

As for your poem, it stands alone without the title, but having it may provoke further thought. I would have liked to see you dig a bit deeper herein. Nonetheless, I like your fearlessness to dive into any theme, as well as your willingness to experiment with anything for the sake of poetry. Also, I realize this was meant to be humorous poem and not to be taken too seriously.

Chris

[heslopian]

.

Did we from a virus or God come? I know this is really childish, but having arranged the line like this "come" takes on its sexual meaning, for me. I think it's just because of the great emphasis on it, whereas usually, in a non-sexual context, it seems to have a shorter foot ("come oh - ver here").
is God a virus of simple chance,
come early to our little dance,
a party crasher of good luck,
in a singularity, we’re not stuck?
Man, would that really suck! The rhyme of "stuck" and "suck" feels incredibly forced, partly because "not stuck" sounds tortured and the last line suddenly veers into jokey informality. In fact, that last line is the couplet's biggest problem.

Are we a fingerprint miniscule?
A hangnail fallen from the maker,
Flake of skin from the baker? Excellent couple of lines, from "a hangnail" to "the baker". The former is thought-provoking, its successor nicely repulsive
Or is it only our loafs "loaf's" conceit,
because of infinite inherit "inherent" frailty,
we think ourselves more than wheat?

No more upon canvas than a flick,
of paint on landscape so sublime,
a single vibration in a chime,
one airy molecule in God’s chant?
Then how mundane our great thoughts,
how pitiful our angry rants? Very good last verse. The metaphors range from down-to-earth and almost domestic, to the scientific and spiritual in one (L4).

Some very effective imagery here, and of course a wonderful theme, though its syntax needs tightening. Critique is JMHO. Thank you for the read

[jeremyyoung]

When I looked at the first line my heart sunk, God, science and a question mark... since the convention is that God loses, science is triumphant.... though inevitably the premise on which case is built is either false, misunderstood, or a straw man. I swear if I hear someone misuse the work of James Usher again, I will pull my beard out.... grrrrrrr.....

But I am pleased I stayed with the poem.

The 2nd stanza for me is the standout. Particularly the word 'loaf' which has the double meaning, of the bread and also 'to use you loaf', i.e. think. Which plays nicely into the theme, as faith requires no thought, just belief.

Plus,

"because of infinite inherit frailty,
we think ourselves more than wheat?"

Is nice as it gently savages the inherited notion of the natural order which science borrowed from religion, and perpetuates without acknowledging the irony. Personally. I'd drop the question mark, since you are using rhetoric, the question is explicit within the statement.

The last stanza for me falls down on the rhyme of 'chant' and 'rants'. You perform a nice twist on the one minute to midnight history of the human race, and carry it into the sounding bell, but 'chant' drops the ball, and forces 'rants', which is not what you have done within the poem, and is not really what people do when considering these questions - serious minded people anyway.

[Erthona]

jeremy,

Thanks for your comments. I'm afraid you pointed out an ambiguity I did not intend. When I wrote

"how pitiful our angry rants? "

I meant our rants against life in general, not when discussing the topic of science and religion. In other words if we are so insignificant, how pitiful it is when we blow our top because they got our order wrong at the drive through.

If you have a suggestion how that might be made more clear, let me know. i am fond of this little poem, and I would like to keep it around.

Dale
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Heslopian,

"I know this is really childish, but having arranged the line like this "come" takes on its sexual meaning, for me. I think it's just because of the great emphasis on it, whereas usually, in a non-sexual context, it seems to have a shorter foot ("come oh - ver here")."

Actually I'm OK with that pun, I mean the Bard had plenty of such, "tomorrow I shall be a grave man". I meant the poem to contain a certain amount of playfulness, or whimsy if you will, and although that pun was not intentional, I think I like it.I suspect the muse stuck that one in without me noticing (she does that sort of thing quite often).
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"The rhyme of "stuck" and "suck" feels incredibly forced, partly because "not stuck" sounds tortured and the last line suddenly veers into jokey informality. In fact, that last line is the couplet's biggest problem."

I agree it is somewhat clumsy, what about "in a singularity, we aren't stuck?"

"last line suddenly veers into jokey informality." That's true it does, but that was my intent. I'll be happy to discuss if it was a good choice, or if it achieved what I wanted, but it wasn't by accident. It's somewhat a page out of Aristotle, that is for drama to work well, it has to have to comedy in it. Plus if a college undergrad were thinking about this, that would probably be his response. I mean, if things had not turned out the way they did we would not exists. So that's my rationale for that, whether it is viable we can discuss further if you wish.
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Thanks for catching those two typos, I can't believe both got past me. One sure, but two, and in such a short poem.

Thanks again,

I always appreciate your thoughtful insight.

Dale
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Chris,

Thanks as always for your comments. As far as taking it further, I have probably pushed it as far as my limited knowledge of this can go. basically I stumbled across an article about this (which is where the original idea came from), and it interested me, so I did some light research so that I had a general grasp about what transposons are.It was more a vehicle to write about mankind's arrogance and sense of self importance, than to talk about junk DNA (mainly because I don't know enough to talk about that cogently. Plus there are too many diverse opinions on the subject, that it is difficult to separate the fly shit from the pepper.
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"Also, I realize this was meant to be humorous poem and not to be taken too seriously."

As it is about humanity, that is a subject that can never be taken very seriously.

Mankind is such a silly farce,
its greatest works but a fart.
In the greater scheme of things,
to this party it does nothing bring!

Thanks again,


Dale

[jeremyyoung]

"I meant our rants against life in general, not when discussing the topic of science and religion. In other words if we are so insignificant, how pitiful it is when we blow our top because they got our order wrong at the drive through."

In which case, it is fine,

Besides those rants are simply the outward symbols of hormones, enzymes and other chemicals, reacting along pathways constructed by nature and nurture.

[Erthona]

Yes but or egoism tells us that these are important. Cogito ergo sum ergo I must be important.

[billy]

i'm not keen on some of the uoda speak specially the 1st line.
the 2nd verse i like the best, mainly because the hangnail line gave me a laugh. i also like how it makes us seem small and inconsequential.

one more point is that a bit of the rhyme while okay feels forced because of the reverse syntax.

thanks for the read.

.

Did we from a virus or God come?
is God a virus of simple chance,
come early to our little dance,
a party crasher of good luck,
in a singularity, we’re not stuck?
Man, would that really suck!

Are we a fingerprint miniscule?
A hangnail fallen from the maker,
Flake of skin from the baker?
Or is it only our loafs conceit,
because of infinite inherit frailty,
we think ourselves more than wheat?

No more upon canvas than a flick,
of paint on landscape so sublime,
a single vibration in a chime,
one airy molecule in God’s chant?
Then how mundane our great thoughts,
how pitiful our angry rants?

--------------------------------------------------------------

*Bits of DNA that can travel freely about the genome. Can create mutations before and after conception, even until death. Probably responsible for the uniqueness in every person: good and bad.

[Erthona]

Thanks Billy,

All comments duly noted.

dale

[cfgorman]

I have been reading this poem over the last few days and developing my feelings toward it. What impresses me the most is the theme of what you are saying. In the second verse I connect loafs with brains and I like the way you compare our brains/loafs to wheat. The whole question of creation is an interesting one which this poems focuses on and suceeds in illuminating.

[heslopian]

I agree it is somewhat clumsy, what about "in a singularity, we aren't stuck?"

That small change would make the line infinitely better, imo.

"last line suddenly veers into jokey informality." That's true it does, but that was my intent. I'll be happy to discuss if it was a good choice, or if it achieved what I wanted, but it wasn't by accident. It's somewhat a page out of Aristotle, that is for drama to work well, it has to have to comedy in it. Plus if a college undergrad were thinking about this, that would probably be his response.

That actually makes sense and, reading it again, I think I'm okay with that line, knowing that. I didn't think it was accidental so much as painfully contrived, but looking at it as a deliberate joke it does kind of work.

[NobodyNothing]

Hi. I realized with great humility some years ago that the religious/mythological sensibility and modern imagination must confront, internalize, and come to terms with two SHOCKING scientific theories in all their implications, those two being the theory of evolution/natural selection and quantum theory/quantum mechanics. They are absolute game-changers in this way.

Sorry for my babble there. Your poem just brought back to the foreground of my mind these themes which are stuck to my brain like barnacles.

There were a few lines that I really liked, almost in and of themselves:

come early to our little dance

A single vibration in a chime

I do think...

Man, would that really suck!

...could be done better by you.

Anyway...just my meager dos centavos.

[Erthona]

Thanks,

dale