"The right way"

[ehabuncensored]

The right way
To:TecTak


In a world of dreams and consciousness, phenomenons and emotion
Odd to me, disaknowledge these, n make way for legitmacy and reason
Only to be tossed in systematic society of sharks and minnows in this ocean.

Resumes and degrees declare level of intelligence and capabilities,
But this sensation of needing to be beautiful, not right, is all I believe in
Naive, but I continue forward in pursuance of originality blocked by formalities.

A species who's predominant trate of success, was asking questions
Who have been deemed insane in result of their obsessions
And had any of the greats of our time been alive today,
All would look in disgust and would retract their work and say,
There is no "right way"

[milo]

The right way
To:TecTak


In a world of dreams and consciousness, phenomenons and emotion
Odd to me, disaknowledge these, n make way for legitmacy and reason
Only to be tossed in systematic society of sharks and minnows in this ocean.

Resumes and degrees declare level of intelligence and capabilities,
But this sensation of needing to be beautiful, not right, is all I believe in
Naive, but I continue forward in pursuance of originality blocked by formalities.

A species who's predominant trate of success, was asking questions
Who have been deemed insane in result of their obsessions
And had any of the greats of our time been alive today,
All would look in disgust and would retract their work and say,
There is no "right way"

This really is quite terrible. The biggest problem is the endless listing of abstractions. It would be too much work to list them all but suffice to say this is just a list of abstractions. poetry needs a foundation in the concrete.

In addition to that (as if there really needed to be more) the spelling and grammar are atrocious and some phrases just don't parse at all.

Finally, the sonics are painfully ugly.

I would recommend scrapping it entirely, sorry i couldn't be more positive.

Thanks for posting.

[tectak]

The right way
To:TecTak


In a world of dreams and consciousness, phenomenons and emotion
Odd to me, disaknowledge these, n make way for legitmacy and reason
Only to be tossed in systematic society of sharks and minnows in this ocean.

Resumes and degrees declare level of intelligence and capabilities,
But this sensation of needing to be beautiful, not right, is all I believe in
Naive, but I continue forward in pursuance of originality blocked by formalities.

A species who's predominant trate of success, was asking questions Trate is a settlement in the Slovene Hills...but that's right, isn't it? I mean, it just doesn't matter. There is no wrong word. I give up. Go to end
Who have been deemed insane in result of their obsessions
And had any of the greats of our time been alive today,
All would look in disgust and would retract their work and say,
There is no "right way"

It is quite journey through this jumble only to arrive at such a weak and overworked conclusion...which I might add does a great disservice to all the posters on this and other sites who strive to improve. You are, with this, in danger of appealing to the lowest common denominators. I think you should know something about poetry, art, music, literature and life as we know it...if there is no right way then ipso facto there is no wrong way. The greatest joy in any endeavour is the pursuit of that temptress, Perfection. Unattainable, but constantly beckoning the muse, we aspirational poets get pleasure from the glimpses we occasionally are permitted. To disavow youself of the wonderful journey is tantamount to failure...many live their lives in this condition. That's fine...your life. Much worse, though, is to convince yourself that this is how you planned it all...but still, OK, your life. There is, however, a far worse failing. It is the evangelistical pursuit of abject failure, most often undertaken with missionary zeal. I fear you are heading that way.
If so, then do not listen. Go to bed happy every night. When you want your work to be considered on merit not mundanity...please let the crits know.
Best,
tectak
Well done, good start. Legitimacy, trait, whose. You really don't care, do you?
PS I write this because I understand that the piece is a tribute to me. I am flaturd.

[Euan]

The right way
To:TecTak


In a world of dreams and consciousness, phenomenons and emotion
Odd to me, disaknowledge these, n make way for legitmacy and reason
Only to be tossed in systematic society of sharks and minnows in this ocean.

Resumes and degrees declare level of intelligence and capabilities,
But this sensation of needing to be beautiful, not right, is all I believe in
Naive, but I continue forward in pursuance of originality blocked by formalities.

A species who's predominant trate of success, was asking questions
Who have been deemed insane in result of their obsessions
And had any of the greats of our time been alive today,
All would look in disgust and would retract their work and say,
There is no "right way"

Have you no honour? Show some god damn respect and appreciation to the members of this site that have spared their time, to help your worthless ass improve your 'poetry'. I suggest you step down, take the critique given to you and apply it.

[ehabuncensored]

I am not disregarding what the crits r saying at all, I'm not sayin I am better good or even novice, I'm not even saying I'm happy, I'm simply lost in life and these words n potry n music the take me away from reality. So with respect I'm saying that what drives me to do this is not the perfection but more of a reflection on my lack of acceptance to the way things r I'm still young naive and findinf myself. I'm not trying to insult anyones passion for this beautiful thing we as creatires created many years ago so, or convince anyone that the right way is the wrong way, I'm simply expressing myself in this dark time of mine. The crits are absolutely right if this was poetry school I would be miserably failing but its not poetry school, maybe I'm posting in the wrong area or something but I'm here to post and read and interact with emotions of people of never been much of a literate but I do enjoy seeing expression and expression myself. This whatever it maybe called is again just that.I'm not trying to make enemies or down talk anybody on there work or rebel against anyone who discredits my work. I'm just trying to surrond myself with passionate people and in turn show I am as well passionate, although not correctly.

[ChristopherSea]

I am not disregarding what the crits r saying at all, I'm not sayin I am better good or even novice, I'm not even saying I'm happy, I'm simply lost in life and these words n potry n music the take me away from reality. So with respect I'm saying that what drives me to do this is not the perfection but more of a reflection on my lack of acceptance to the way things r I'm still young naive and findinf myself. I'm not trying to insult anyones passion for this beautiful thing we as creatires created many years ago so, or convince anyone that the right way is the wrong way, I'm simply expressing myself in this dark time of mine. The crits are absolutely right if this was poetry school I would be miserably failing but its not poetry school, maybe I'm posting in the wrong area or something but I'm here to post and read and interact with emotions of people of never been much of a literate but I do enjoy seeing expression and expression myself. This whatever it maybe called is again just that.I'm not trying to make enemies or down talk anybody on there work or rebel against anyone who discredits my work. I'm just trying to surrond myself with passionate people and in turn show I am as well passionate, although not correctly.

You may be able to achieve your objectives and avoid critique by posting in the 'For Fun' or 'Miscellaneous' forums.

[Euan]

I am not disregarding what the crits r saying at all, I'm not sayin I am better good or even novice, I'm not even saying I'm happy, I'm simply lost in life and these words n potry n music the take me away from reality. So with respect I'm saying that what drives me to do this is not the perfection but more of a reflection on my lack of acceptance to the way things r I'm still young naive and findinf myself. I'm not trying to insult anyones passion for this beautiful thing we as creatires created many years ago so, or convince anyone that the right way is the wrong way, I'm simply expressing myself in this dark time of mine. The crits are absolutely right if this was poetry school I would be miserably failing but its not poetry school, maybe I'm posting in the wrong area or something but I'm here to post and read and interact with emotions of people of never been much of a literate but I do enjoy seeing expression and expression myself. This whatever it maybe called is again just that.I'm not trying to make enemies or down talk anybody on there work or rebel against anyone who discredits my work. I'm just trying to surrond myself with passionate people and in turn show I am as well passionate, although not correctly.

This is called life, which you should experience rather than attempt to avoid. And justifying yourself based on this alone? I'm not convinced, I may come off insensitive, but I'd rather not have you I inflict your personal shit upon this site. Get back to business. Write something better than this.

[RyanRader13]

Ehabuncensored, I respect what you were saying in this, I myself am a bit of a passionist and I am a sort of a leper among many communities. I am notorious for spewing out whatever pops into my head whether its good or not and it's more often a miss or an ignore. I also agree with the idea that writing is so much more than punctuation spelling and grammer fit together like pieces to a puzzle, nothing is solid like that, art is definitely not so defined so I can say I highly respected your message. On the other hand you have to consider your audience and tweak your passion to play the game. Maybe brush it up, find a way to make it simple and solid. If not, you tried and you got my like. Practice more and explore what you can create

[ellajam]

I am not disregarding what the crits r saying at all, I'm not sayin I am better good or even novice, I'm not even saying I'm happy, I'm simply lost in life and these words n potry n music the take me away from reality. So with respect I'm saying that what drives me to do this is not the perfection but more of a reflection on my lack of acceptance to the way things r I'm still young naive and findinf myself. I'm not trying to insult anyones passion for this beautiful thing we as creatires created many years ago so, or convince anyone that the right way is the wrong way, I'm simply expressing myself in this dark time of mine. The crits are absolutely right if this was poetry school I would be miserably failing but its not poetry school, maybe I'm posting in the wrong area or something but I'm here to post and read and interact with emotions of people of never been much of a literate but I do enjoy seeing expression and expression myself. This whatever it maybe called is again just that.I'm not trying to make enemies or down talk anybody on there work or rebel against anyone who discredits my work. I'm just trying to surrond myself with passionate people and in turn show I am as well passionate, although not correctly.

Hi, ehab, I think you're missing a great opportunity here. You've stumbled across a site where people generously give their time and expertise to those of us trying to express ourselves but finding our words often come out too muddled to be heard.

Starting with something fairly short and simple, you can learn here how to shape the words so that what you are trying to say comes through.

Learning to edit is also a great escape from everyday reality. It takes concentration to absorb and apply the comments given here, a great respite from whatever else might be on your mind.

Works for me.

[tectak]

I am not disregarding what the crits r saying at all, I'm not sayin I am better good or even novice, I'm not even saying I'm happy, I'm simply lost in life and these words n potry n music the take me away from reality. So with respect I'm saying that what drives me to do this is not the perfection but more of a reflection on my lack of acceptance to the way things r I'm still young naive and findinf myself. I'm not trying to insult anyones passion for this beautiful thing we as creatires created many years ago so, or convince anyone that the right way is the wrong way, I'm simply expressing myself in this dark time of mine. The crits are absolutely right if this was poetry school I would be miserably failing but its not poetry school, maybe I'm posting in the wrong area or something but I'm here to post and read and interact with emotions of people of never been much of a literate but I do enjoy seeing expression and expression myself. This whatever it maybe called is again just that.I'm not trying to make enemies or down talk anybody on there work or rebel against anyone who discredits my work. I'm just trying to surrond myself with passionate people and in turn show I am as well passionate, although not correctly.

Good egg,
Let's start again. You want to go with "The right way" or try something from the road to Damascus?
Your call.
Very best,
tectak
Get back.

[ehabuncensored]

Thank you

[tectak]

Thank you

Pleasure...all for it
tectak

[Graystar]

Hi ehabuncesored,

I am new here. I don't understand your name and for curiosity I'd like to say, what does it mean?

While there were things I liked in your writing much of it seemed more appropriate for stream of thought journaling not to ever be seen by others. It seemed to me you changed from saying you didn't measure up in the world that values degrees and beauty to a different track that our artistic forefathers (mothers) would view our modern world as lacking value.

I enjoyed the imagery of society as sharks and minnows. That was cute, worth a chuckle. Maybe my sense of humor is bizarre. You didn't seem to be writing for humor however and if irony was your goal you failed.

Journaling is very valuable it can build turns of phrasing that are jewels but it doesn't translate into poetry. What is your goal
for a piece of poetry? Remember to self edit. Learn these things. Try again.

Thank you,
Graystar