Just another day

[jdguyb]

The clouds move slowly, the wind in the trees,
so majestic, the green grass flows with beauty,
I see a squirrel, it slowly dissects an acorn,
two birds begin to fight arduously one of them,
has the upper hand, he is stronger

The music in my ears makes me think, of something epic,
nature entwined with my headphones, making colors,
a calmer song comes on and I am reminded of her,
tears fill my eyes as she holds me, the stars align.

Angels dance gracefully around me, skipping,
skipping to the beat, their majesty is felt
it feels like utmost love, they love me a I them,
I join their ranks and skip to the beat, suddenly,
demons arrive to take away the fun from us

I draw my sword, the cleaver it is called. but then,
but then I realize it is a friend not to be smitten,
I sheath my sword and dance along with my friends,
this bliss is amazing, how long will it last for?

If you feel like this poem is good enough to be moved to the mild critique board please do! I'm just not sure if its up to standards

[rowens]

It has a few grammar errors. Some sentences made awkwardly for misguided poetic effect. Phrases like "it feels like utmost love", and "I draw my sword, the cleaver it is called" can be used with caution, or some weird sense of tone; but they don't come through, so there must not have been much caution, or sense to them.

Do you have something to say, or do you just want to make art? Both those ways can work. But if you just want to make art, you have to put a lot more effort into making it seem like you have something to say.

I suspect you do have something to say though. Most people do.

[Zabrina]

It gives off nice imagery with all the descriptive words you used like "The clouds move slowly, the wind in the trees" and so on, in my opinion. However, I have to agree with Rowen's question of "Do you have something to say, or do you just want to make art?". To me, it seems artistic/creative but I do not understand the message of the poem.