A place on the mantlepiece

[Keith]

There's bald patch in the dust,
once created by pool coupons
that changed dreams into
lottery tickets when Albert
left his wife, bomb shelled off
nearly forty years of her life.

They had a son John who
bit his lip for far too long
hated his mum for what
he thought she’d done
the reason dad was gone,
he packed, never came back.

And so her routine went by,
tablets to ease and some times
to cry, work to shop, eat then work,
sleeps alone and cannot flirt
a once meek wife lost in life,
with rent to pay each week.

Suitcase in the taxi, meter
running upstairs for one last
look at the sum of all nothings,
left house keys on the table
and all the cheap belongings,
quietly close the door.

As the driver pulls away,
the answer phone says its thing,
then hello mum I heard your news,
just thought I should ring.
Message light flashes the
welcome screen of a cash machine.

Mini statement makes her smile,
sorry wall I'll be gone for a while.

[billy]

no crit but the first stanza needs a little work

i remember the pools coupon on the mantelpiece.
i can relate to a lot of what the poem has to say.

[Keith]

no crit but the first stanza needs a little work

i remember the pools coupon on the mantelpiece.
i can relate to a lot of what the poem has to say.

God it does, I made some in the post changes and cocked it up, quick edit will fix, thanks for the heads up, pools coupon may confuse some but ...thanks Keith

[Brownlie]

Lottery tickets would make a good subject for a poem. I've heard them been called a tax on the poor.

[Keith]

Lottery tickets would make a good subject for a poem. I've heard them been called a tax on the poor.

I'm sure it would, you should write one, a tax on the poor is a little bit too stereo typical for me, but if you write it I could put that in my feedback and you could tell me you disagree because.... or you like it because....and I would say...well you will have to write it first. TOMH