My Affliction

[fourtimefelon]

Down in my bones I can feel the virus
Chewing and churning, perverting my desires
Twisting mine into the psyche of a liar - ruiner, predator, a shark, a cheater
Snapping necks and smashing dreams
All the while she begs me not to leave her
But I need not get bogged down by words of love
or visions of heaven sent angels from above
I seek my pleasures in the flesh

Hot and sticky, sunken in the torrid and wet
No one knows the worst of whats been done yet
With a stolen car, an absconding fugitive on the run
I take my lecherous fun - No reason to hide my dirt from the sun
This sickness has infected all directions
The devil rose and made my selection - vanity, an earthly distraction
and suddenly, what once was mine, becomes His predilection
Straight away from the inside, zero to warp speed nine
I become a juggernaut, a hurricane - whirling, howling, and insane
the wreckage of my life left behind, time after time

Then a moment of clarity, and I try to stop me, to let them see this is not what I want
To my blood, those words are nothing but a taunt
Known to cry and sigh, even appear to try
But as always, my promises, they prove to be nothing more than lies
Those who believe always grow gray, and I'm left unsure about what to say
Convinced myself that all is fate, surely I had no hand in all this hate?

But the sun breaks through and I can see
I am the purveyor of this shit
Shoveling it on the truth
My words, they fly fast and loose
Now knowing all, I still do as I choose
I'm angry, high, and done
All that's left, the most malign kinds of fun
Raging at both moon & sun,
I edge towards oblivion
I don't care for you or me, or even my son
All bets off, chips cashed out, barrels loaded
The terrible sound grows so loud
The time for friends and love and life is done
In this moment I become the ONLY one
A squeeze, a click, and one becomes None

[Brownlie]

Down in my bones I can feel the virus
Chewing and churning, perverting my desires
Twisting mine into the psyche of a liar - ruiner, predator, a shark, a cheater
Snapping necks and smashing dreams
All the while she begs me not to leave her
But I need not get bogged down by words of love
or visions of heaven sent angels from above
I seek my pleasures in the flesh

Hot and sticky, sunken in the torrid and wet
No one knows the worst of whats been done yet
With a stolen car, an absconding fugitive on the run
I take my lecherous fun - No reason to hide my dirt from the sun
This sickness has infected all directions
The devil rose and made my selection - vanity, an earthly distraction
and suddenly, what once was mine, becomes His predilection
Straight away from the inside, zero to warp speed nine
I become a juggernaut, a hurricane - whirling, howling, and insane
the wreckage of my life left behind, time after time

Then a moment of clarity, and I try to stop me, to let them see this is not what I want
To my blood, those words are nothing but a taunt
Known to cry and sigh, even appear to try
But as always, my promises, they prove to be nothing more than lies
Those who believe always grow gray, and I'm left unsure about what to say
Convinced myself that all is fate, surely I had no hand in all this hate?

But the sun breaks through and I can see
I am the purveyor of this shit
Shoveling it on the truth
My words, they fly fast and loose
Now knowing all, I still do as I choose
I'm angry, high, and done
All that's left, the most malign kinds of fun
Raging at both moon & sun,
I edge towards oblivion
I don't care for you or me, or even my son
All bets off, chips cashed out, barrels loaded
The terrible sound grows so loud
The time for friends and love and life is done
In this moment I become the ONLY one
A squeeze, a click, and one becomes None

Quite amusing, but also very vague and ambiguous. Perhaps you have left clues but I am left grasping for a specific image to attach to your affliction. There is some good rhythm and you used commas well in the last line. Why get High? How do you get High? and What can be learned from this poem? This gave me some entertainment so good luck.

[fourtimefelon]

Quite amusing, but also very vague and ambiguous. Perhaps you have left clues but I am left grasping for a specific image to attach to your affliction. There is some good rhythm and you used commas well in the last line. Why get High? How do you get High? and What can be learned from this poem? This gave me some entertainment so good luck.

Well, its all a story actually about adulterous sex and drug fueled despair. How my lack of control is less of a conscious decision and more an unwanted and dominating feeling. Words like lecherous and torrid and flesh are supposed to convey the sex part at least, but I didn't go too specific about the drugs. I left it with vague references, like you said, "The most malign kinds of fun" And even the parts about seeking pleasure in the flesh refer to it. As a matter of fact, I would say that the words about enjoying another person in a darker manner also talk about using the drugs. I personally am an IV user, and that particular type of drug use involves a penetration of sorts, and through my addictions its become very personal, almost like a sexual experience. So where someone in love with a woman (Or man) would hear a song or poem that speaks about yearning, or desires, and correlate their own personal feelings with the ones in the piece of work, I tend to do the same thing, only inserting my usage in place of a physical person. In this particular case, I'm freely moving back and forth between the two, sometimes even one reference can refer to the woman and the drug, like they are the same thing. Because, in my head, they are. I dunno if that makes sense to anyone else, and to be honest, I've never really told anyone all of that. Glad you found some entertainment in it.

[Sam33lynn]

I loved your choice of words throughout the poem. Feels "real" and uncensored which is cool.

[fourtimefelon]

I loved your choice of words throughout the poem. Feels "real" and uncensored which is cool.

Thanks! I have one I intend to post in just awhile that is much more graphic, in the sense of the things it describes. And it is VERY real, I only seem to be inspired by my own experiences, and I only ever seem to pen them therapeutically, and no one ever needs therapy for good stuff. =/

[Sam33lynn]

I loved your choice of words throughout the poem. Feels "real" and uncensored which is cool.

Thanks! I have one I intend to post in just awhile that is much more graphic, in the sense of the things it describes. And it is VERY real, I only seem to be inspired by my own experiences, and I only ever seem to pen them therapeutically, and no one ever needs therapy for good stuff. =/

That's okay, that's when I tend to write as well