Late Night Write, not exactly poetry
#1
This is something written as a stress reliever between 3am-6am, just looking for general opinions on it and the relief of another human reading it.

City that should have slept

A girl in front of me, Candle in her hand,
A future strewn around the wick,
having taken her last stand,
for the love that burned just---too---quick.
When a spark begins again,
will she smother if she can?
A life of wonder whys and wonder ifs.
Has she done it to herself? For her heart, is this it?

A faulty smile or a nervous grin,
I cannot recall which again.
The look within her eyes yearned for a distant place.
We packed a set of clothes,
just how all these stories go.
Young lust is born to tip toe.

Some may say she is right, a cure for loneliness I stand.
Nothing more than a night,
Or maybe it's complex?
one tumble at moonlight.
Now my choice, what's next?

Time passed slow, but we're both still standing,
Cold shoulders and cold feet.
I don't know which I'm handling.
Is she the same girl under the sheet?
The one that pulled my arm around her?
“I don't want to feel alone”, how sweet
But all I get now is static and empty laughter

How much of that will matter?
From here on a woman is for laughter,
for cheers and a happily ever after.
I'm not a man of regret,
but is this a disaster?
I'm not a man of prayer,
but I feel I need a pastor.
Wait this isn't me,
Solidarity has always made me free.

I shouldn't be writing of this love affair.
Some casual truth or dare.
Fast food and fingers through her hair.
1-2-3 drinks I could not escape her glare
4-5-6 now everything was bare.
Was I a tool?
I know most men wouldn't care.
But I couldn't live as a woman's spare.
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#2
Hi Knight,

You have a couple lines that are interesting that you could build around.

A future strewn around the wick
Young lust is born to tip toe

The introspection detracts from the immediacy.

Just some thoughts.

Welcome to the site!
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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#3
Thank you Todd, this was written in short and quick chunks of a few lines so at some points I was going for poetry and other sections I was trying to tell a story in the most vague way possible. I will most likely be splitting it up tonight and having 1 poem and 1 story
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