Freak Show

[Jolly Figs]

Welcome to the freak show of Borderline Personality Disorder
Once, you hear my story
you'll tear your guts out
then have the urge to swallow them
because that's that I do to myself
mentally and feel physically
without even inflicting any wounds upon myself.
I leave my thoughts to do that for me.

[billy]

hi jolly

great to see you posting your poetry.

Welcome to the freak show of Borderline Personality Disorder
Once, you hear my story
you'll tear your guts out
then have the urge to swallow them
because that's that I do to myself [b]thats what i do
mentally and feel physically
without even inflicting any wounds upon myself. even isn't needed
I leave my thoughts to do that for me.

just an overall suggestion. tell us or should i say, show us your story instead of telling us what we'll feel like when we here it.
thanks for the read,

don't forget to leave feedback on other's poetry please

[addy]

Welcome to the freak show of Borderline Personality Disorder
Once, don't need comma you hear my story
you'll tear your guts out
then have the urge to swallow them
because that's that I do to myself
mentally and feel physically don't think you need this line
without even inflicting any wounds upon myself. don't need "upon myself"
I leave my thoughts to do that for me. Perfectly good ending. I think you could potentially make it stronger though. Overall, I think there's a lot of thematic potential with how you used freak show as a metaphor for your mental health.... when you mentioned the tearing out and swallowing your guts (i liked that part) it made me think of a sideshow act. If you ever decide to expound on the piece, that's a fun vein to take

Thanks for sharing, Jolly Figs . Hope this was helpful