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+--- Thread: Phlegm Poems (/thread-4445.html)
Phlegm Poems - only rob - 09-23-2011
Phlegm Poems
I can’t drive my car
to love, or
evict my midnight vision
from mars,
but when I cough these
breathless autumn poems,
I see my funeral
in her eyes.
RE: Phlegm Poems - writeitout - 09-23-2011
I get every in and exhale! My coughing has been supressed by a nightime cold remedy! I need to get the congestion out though.
Good metaphor throughout. Loved the brevity!
Renee
RE: Phlegm Poems - Ca ne fait rien - 09-24-2011
(09-23-2011, 10:18 PM)only rob Wrote: Phlegm PoemsLine 3- not only is ait a wonderful line imagery-wise, it is sonically too.
I can’t drive my car
to love, or
evict my midnight vision
from mars,
but when I cough these
breathless autumn poems,
I see my funeral
in her eyes.
The poem is tight and evocative. even though it may be something one may not really want evoked. Powerful stuff here , Rob. I think the line breaks are perfect.
RE: Phlegm Poems - John Holland - 09-27-2011
I enjoyed this. I like tight taut lines... (every fisherman does).
RE: Phlegm Poems - heslopian - 09-27-2011
I like this a great deal. Every thought is unique and affecting. It is at once beautiful and complex, making the reader work to unlock the music box. I personally see it as being about a man who is terminally ill, whose philosophical ponderings don't bring back the fact of his imminent death so much as what he says, his phlegm. Just a thought. I could be completely wrong. Either, thanks for the read, only rob
