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"- So, lunch is on me then ! -" - Printable Version +- Poetry Forum (https://www.pigpenpoetry.com) +-- Forum: Poetry Forum (https://www.pigpenpoetry.com/forum-1.html) +--- Forum: Basic critique (https://www.pigpenpoetry.com/forum-60.html) +--- Thread: "- So, lunch is on me then ! -" (/thread-13587.html) |
"- So, lunch is on me then ! -" - Obadiah Grey - 02-23-2014 lips suitably pursed, pinkie raised to the correct angle, she sits and sips the last dregs of life she's squeeezzed outta me- a fitting accompaniment to the thick slice o' succulent wallet she's so elegantly carved out of my ass. Dripping with greenback, for those blessed with perfect diction, her lawyer comments on the tenderness of my sauteed sweetbread, "hummmm a little stringy, but ever so nourishingly juicy". as he pours the remnants of my self esteem on to his final bill... RE: "- So, lunch is on me then ! -" - ellajam - 02-23-2014 Hi, Obadiah, welcome. I enjoyed this, especially "slice o' succulent wallet" and "sauteed sweetbread". You might want to consider a change of break in L3. Thanks for posting, a fun though bitter read. (02-23-2014, 04:13 PM)Obadiah Grey Wrote: lips suitably pursed, pinkie raised RE: "- So, lunch is on me then ! -" - Obadiah Grey - 02-24-2014 Thank you for the welcome and taking the time to comment, Ellajam; point well taken about line three, perhaps it needs a re-jig. I don't really do deep and meaningful Poetry, so, a "fun read" will do just dandy !! Obi. RE: "- So, lunch is on me then ! -" - ChristopherSea - 02-24-2014 Hello O, Well written and I feel your pain! I had to pay my lawyer 12K to fork over 390K to the Ex. Luckily, I put a lot more away for that ugly day and without her fangs into my bank account I have regained my losses. Nonetheless, ex-spouses are entitled to their cut, but lawyers do take all of the fun out of divorce! All the best in life, love and poetry./Chris RE: "- So, lunch is on me then ! -" - J.Frost - 02-24-2014 Hello Obadiah, I really enjoyed the imagery, sarcasm, and discomfort translated through your piece. I look for ward to reading more. RE: "- So, lunch is on me then ! -" - Obadiah Grey - 02-25-2014 Yo; Chris and Sire Frost, thanks for taking a peek and commenting,,,, I'm glad the humour in the piece came across, it was written "tongue in cheek" as is most of my dribblings. Actually my divorce was (as far as these awkward times can be) quite painless and devoid of acrimony.. Cheers. Obi. |